Pre Teen Titans, GO!
by Raidersrule76
Summary: In the streets of Leap City, five youngins have banded together in an effort to fight for truth, justice, and equal rights for homosexual thumbs. This is their story. Parody of Teen Titans.
1. Auditions

RR76: This is a spinoff of Pre Teen Titans. They had a story once, but now it's gone. So sad... their theme song is still up though. And this has GROWN UP humor and language, so if little kids are reading this without parent's permission... RIGHT ON! FIGHT THE PIGS! FIGHT!

Anyway, read now kindly. And I don't own nuttin'. Except for three of the Pre Teen Titans.

* * *

In an evil factory somewhere in the city of Leap, a creepy old woman with a bun was trying to sell some guy with half of a face on a group of three stupid evil childran. 

"The WELT School for Sociopathic Childran is proud to unveil it's top three students of 2003."

"Contraption, a supergenius who fights by using his really really lousy, 6-year-old esque insults. And with his weird technology that, for whatever reason, is light years ahead of the U.S. Army's weaponry."

A bald kid with goggles and a green C on his shirt stepped out and shot missles at a group of robots, screaming "Eat hot death rabbit with string all around and can't get out!"

"Elephant. He's big. And BLIND!"

A big guy came out and tried to punch a robot but missed because, alas, he's blind. So out came his partner to help him out, a pink haired ditz in a skintight leather jumpsuit.

"And Hex. She's really really...pink."

Hex pulled out a pink crayon and colored all over the robots. Unfortunately, this crayon was made of... ACID! So they all died.

"This team can be yours, Mr. Slode, for the right price that is," Bun Lady told her half-faced client.

"Very impressive, Bun Lady. By the way, who the hell named you, a retarded orangutang on pot?" Mr. Slode asked.

"I come from a long line of people with stupid names, I'll have you know. My father was named Vaginal Davis!" Bun Lady scoffed.

"...Riiiiiight," Slode said in a Dr. Evil kind of way. He walked over to his Really Uncomfortable Concrete Chair from Hell and sat down. "Your team has one last final exam to pass before serving me. Destroy the Pre Teen Titans. Then we'll talk." Then the lights went out. "Dammit! I forgot to pay the electrical bill again!" Slode yelled. "Aw, Hex, if you're scared I'll hold you close until it's over," he cooed as someone latched onto him.

"Slode, that's just me," his butler, Juicy Fruit said.

"You're fired."

* * *

Meanwhile, in Pre Teen Titan's Tower, which is shaped like a P...

* * *

"Creature Kid, what is the location of the remote control?" asked Blowbot the Retarted Robot. 

CHARECTER BIO:  
BLOWBOT  
AGE: ROBOTS DO NOT AGE  
HEIGHT: 1'  
WEIGHT: 16 IBS  
DESCRIPTION: LOOKS LIKE THE ROBOT IN THAT ONE WITH CONTROL FREAK, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT THE TITANS HAD TO FIGHT.  
BIO: A magical robot from somewhere east of Pittsburg. Blowbot is the last survivor from the ancient Constitutional Robocracy from Somewhere East of Pittsburg. He talks funny and constantly asks people if they want him to "blow" them. They then get disgusted.

"What makes you so sure that I lost it, Blowhard?" Creature Kid snapped back.

CHARECTER BIO:  
CREATURE KID  
REAL NAME: NERMAL LOGAN  
AGE: 12  
HEIGHT: 4'12"  
WEIGHT: I DON'T KNOW  
DESCRIPTION: LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE BEAST BOY, ONLY SHORTER.  
BIO: Garfield Logan's (aka Beast Boy) estranged identical twin brother that he doesn't know. He has the power to turn into anything that's green. As long as it's green, he can turn into it.

"You will find the location of the remote control, or I will blow you," Blowbot threatened, raising his threatening gun threatanintly.

CK rolled his eyes. "Dude, stop saying that. Honestly, you have a dumber name than I do, and I'm named after a CAT!"

The two began to argue, garnering the attention of Crow T Robot, their friend and teammate. "Would you two SHUT UP ALREADY? You'd think being trapped up in outer space for 10 years I could put up with this!

CHARECTER BIO:  
CROW T ROBOT  
AGE: ROBOTS DO NOT AGE  
HEIGHT: 3'12"  
WEIGHT: MADE OF PLASTIC, SO NOT MUCH  
DESCRIPTION: BOWLING PIN FOR MOUTH, CYMBOLS FOR CHEST, SPRING FOR NECK, PING PONG BALL CUT IN HALF AND PAINTED YELLOW FOR EYES, NET ON BACK OF HEAD.  
BIO: WAS BUILT BY JOEL ROBINSON, A JANITOR TRAPPED UP IN OUTER SPACE. MAIN FUNCTION: WATCH BAD MOVIES AND MAKE FUN OF THEM. CAPITALIZED FOR NO REASON.

"Dammit, I'm sick of this!" Crow shouted over the din. "RR76, I quit!"

"CUT!" RR76 shouted. "Crow, you can't quit! Who are we supposed to replace you with?"

"Find someone, I'm going back to Minnesota!" said Crow, and he left. Never to be seen again...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

"Welcome to the Pre Teen Titans Auditions. You will all be auditioning for the part of Crow. Anyone not like that?" asked RR76. Three people raised their hands. 

"Carson, if you will..." a Mysterious Voice said.

Carson Elam, from the story Carson, stepped out of nowhere, pulled out his gun, and shot the three of them.

"Any more objections?" asked RR76. Everyone was silent.

"Okay then. Your panel members will be: Myself, Carson, and Toucan Sam. Let's start with you:"

Terra stepped up in a cheerleader outfit. She then began to dance and cheer. "I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. I'm bitchen', great hair, the boys all love to stare. Who am I? Just guess! Guys wanna touch my chest!"

Toucan Sam leaned over to RR76. "She has a chest?" he muttered. RR76 chuckled.

"Sorry, not what we're looking for. NEXT!" Carson shouted.

"But I--"

"I SAID NEXT BITCH!" Carson shouted, and leaped at Terra, hacking her to pieces with his sword and impaling her head on a pike.

The next auditioner came out. It was Kitten. Carson shot her. Nuff said.

"NEXT!"

Jinx.

BAM!

"NEXT!"

Torgo.

BAM!

"NEXT!"

The Girl in Gold Boots, Michelle.

BAM!

"NEXT!"

Raven came in. "Wait a minute, this isn't the really depressing poetry and people who cut themselves museum!" she realized.

"PERFECT!" shouted RR76. "We've found our new Crow!"

"What? I--"

"GREAT WILL OF THE MACHROCOSM, RESTART THE SHOW!"

* * *

While Ms. Will was reseting the show, Raven was taking the time to meet the other cast members in the coffee room. She brushed past Bluejay, Sunburn and Blowbot, and went right to Creature Kid, giggling giddily, causing several cast members to explode due to her powers. 

"Hi," she said still giggling like a school girl. "I'm Raven!"

CK looked at her oddly. "Hi... um, Raven? Raven?"

"So, I'm just curious, are you and Beast Boy...identical...in every way or are some things...not as big...as..." Raven said mindlessly as her eyes began to wander downward.

"Who?"

"Um...marbles...taco..." Raven mumbled, still with the eye wandering.

Creature Kid grew uncomfortable. "Raven? Raven? RAVEN!"

"Huh? Wha?" asked the goth telepath half demon, snapped out of her perverso-trance.

"My eyes are up HERE!" shouted CK. He then pointed at his eys. Point. Point. Point.

Raven giggled again, and Blowbot exploded. "Silly, I don't care about you eyes! Your emerald green...Beast Boy like...eyes..."

CK sighed. "This is gonna be a loooooong story..."

RR76: Review! NOW! OR DIE!


	2. State Finals

RR76: Okay. I'm updating. Yeay for the lack of school!

**Responses:**

**Ghost Knight: Then my work is done.**

**EMBER91: Die you shall not.**

**im in a kill people mood: Blowbot was the name of the charecter in Pre Teen Titans. He's supposed to have a dumb name. C.K. put it best "I have the gayest name in the universe, next to Blowbot."**

**Rory: Ancient throne of the what now? Haha, sorry, I had to put that bit in. I thought you'd like the idea--he's BBs identical brother and Raven is really really attracted to him.**

**DarkChild5: Yes...wonder if there is a museum like that.**

**MUPPET BABIES! WE'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS, SO PLEASE, DO NOT SUE!**

_

* * *

Pre Teen Titans chapter 1, take two. Marker. And...action!_

Raven looked up from her book. "Would the two of you stop arguing? I'm trying to read about how to make people suffer!"

BIO: RAVEN  
AGE: ...16?  
HEIGHT: I DON'T KNOW.  
WEIGHT: I DON'T KNOW  
MADLY IN LOVE WITH: NERMAL LOGAN? BB AIN'T HAPPY...  
PROFILE: If anyone asks, I will kill them.

Creature Kid stared at her. "...seriously?"

At that moment, Bluejay and Sunburn came waltzing in, arguing about how Brad Pitt is cuter than Ben Affleck. Personally, I prefer Eliza Dushku.

BIO: BLUEJAY  
AGE: 12  
ORIENTATION: CONTROVERSIAL  
HEIGHT: 2". HE'S A THUMB. LITERALLY.  
WEIGHT: HOW MUCH DO THUMBS WEIGH EXACTLY?  
PROFILE" Former sidekick to Batthumb. Now leads Pre Teen Titans. Really really gay.

BIO: SUNBURN  
AGE: 12  
SUNSCREEN: USELESS  
HEIGHT: KITTENS!  
WEIGHT: IN GOLD? I DUNNO  
PROFILE: Crown princess of Planet Extapolatoketel. Speaks weird language. Gets sunburns. Alot.

(I swear I never have these discussions) "I'm telling you, Ben ith THO much prettier than Brad. He'th GORGEOUTH! OOOOH! MARRY ME BEN!"

"No, thou are wrong! It is One Called Brad who is the cuter than the Ben! I will prove it to you by--"

Just then they were at Pizza or Bust, their favorite restoraunt. The author got bored and decided to advance the plot. A bus appeared out of nowhere and assaulted a baby carriage, the Titans stopped it, yadda yadda yadda...but then...

"We are the WELT! And this is Omega Maneuver!" shouted Hex. She produced a pink marker and attacked Raven, getting pink on her cloak.

"GASP! No, my cloak! My depressing goth cloak! WAH!" Raven started to cry, and her powers blew up something. Something...evil. What? Huh? Who? No pickles.

Meanwhile, the other Pre Teen Titans were beaten back by the WELT kids. All that was left was Bluejay. He's screwed.

"All right, you nathty evil thingies, I'm gonna do to you what I do to thtubburn grath thtainth!" Bluejay threatened, pulling out a dishwasher. From his pocket. Yeah... But LO! Contraption pulled a plothole out of his pocket (of EVIL) and threw it at Bluejay, sucking him in.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN PRE TEEN TITAN'S TOWER

* * *

Raven helped Creature Kid into a chair in the hallway. Creature Kid sat, nursing a wound on his leg, still replaying the fight in his mind, trying to realize where he had gone wrong. Raven, meanwhile... 

"Creature Kid, your leg...it's hurt," Raven purred.

"...yeah. Aren't you, like...magic? Can you heal it?" the changeling asked.

"Of course!" Raven cheered peppily and out of charecterly. "I'd do anything to fix your leg. Your muscular...Beast Boy like...thick...powerful..."

"Oh boy..."

"OH SHUT UP AND TAKE ME NERMIL!" Raven yelled, pouncing on the hapless preteen.

"AAAH! I NEED AN ADULT, I NEED AN ADULT!"

"ADULTS ARE FOR WUSSES, NOW COME HERE!"

"CUT!"

The Great Will of the Machrocosm reset everything, going to a sullen Raven muttering bad naughty things about Creature Kids'...leg. Yeah, that'll do. Then conveniently, Blowbow and Sunburn came in.

"Perhaps you all should henceforth refer to me as "Flybot,". Now explain the play by play of how you blew the WELT kids," Blowbot said monotonously.

No one spoke. Because they all have laryngitys. Then the WELT kids came in and kicked them out to the point where they were on the shore looking at their P-shaped tower. Pleasent conversation was exchanged.

"YOU (bleep)! HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?" Raven bellowed at Sunburn.

"I DID NOT ALLOW THAT WHICH YOU SAY I ALLOWED TO HAPPEN HAPPEN! YOU ARE A SPLICKENSPLAK MOOMENSTAFFER!" Sunburn retorted.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SPEAK IN TOUNGS!" Raven threatened.

Just then the plothole opened up and Bluejay fell through. He gave them bad directions to the police. They got lost and died. The end.

...PSYCHE!

They went back and kicked the WELT's collective asses.

"Put it in a blender and call it porridge, I'm calling Slode," Contraption muttered.

"Who'th Thlode?" Bluejay asked, holding up Contraption.

"No no, it's 'Slode,' not 'Thlode'. Try it."

"Thlode."

"No you idiot, Slode. SLODE!"

And so the adventures of the Pre Teen Titans began! Now review or Blowbot will blow you!


	3. Hats

RR76: I'm bored, so I update. S'what I do.

**Responses:**

**EMBER91: Yes. Funny good. Sadness bad. I see that now.**

**Rory: I dunno, I think she grew. I think that she was 14 in the first two seasons, 15 in the third, and is 16 now. She and Beast Boy got taller. Sick of Tommy? I know whatcha mean.**

**Don't--oh wait, I already covered the things I don't own in "The Zeppo" So HA! Take that lawyers!**

**Lawyers: Damn you RR76!**

* * *

In a happy magical building somewhere in the city, there was an army of happy little Slode people bent on taking a floppy disk from a glowing cylinder of happyness. And the were about to, when all of a sudden... 

"HEY! You people are all catasaganatacodanatal shoombobbles!" Sunburn shouted.

"Great Sunburn. Speaking demonic languages, that'll scare 'em," Raven said, rolling her eyes.

Bluejay gave the battlecry and the Pre Teen Titans were AWAY! And they did some fightin' and killin', and then whoop-dee-doo, Bluejay and Sunburn started chasing after one. Meanwhile, with our two favorite Pre Teen Titans, C.K. and Raven...bit of a contradictorial (?) thing, ain't it? I mean, she's a TEEN Titan. So why would she be on a squad of PRE teens? Think about it...

Creature Kid had just saved Raven by doing something. Not sure what. I mean, he's worthless. What can he do? Give them grass stains? Oooh, he can turn into a green pen and squirt ink in their eyes. That hurts. And that's what he did. And he did the Beast Boy "You owe me big time," dance and song.

"Want me to repay my debt now?" Raven purred huskily, stepping up close to Creature Kid and letting her hands wander around his...CHEST! HA! YOU THOUGHT I WOULD SAY SOMETHING DIFFERANT, DIDN'T YOU? HA! AND AGAIN, HA! NEED ANOTHER? SURE! HA!

(Author's note: I do not endorse pedophilia)

Creature Kid started to sweat. "Um... t-t-there's evil over t-there that I need to f-f-f-fight," he stammered.

Raven waved a hand. "Evil shmevil. I'm evil. I'm supposed to end the world. These things always work themselves out, usually with the help of a green heartthrob (I don't mean that, not gay) and a closet case in tights, but we got both of those things, don't we baby?" She leaned forward to kiss him.

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE A LITTLE MORE Y-7ISH...

Sunburn and Bluejay kept chasing after the evil person. And they caught him. Yeay.

"Now I'll interrogate you! Where'th Thlode hiding?" Bluejay shouted, grabbing him by the neck and straddling him...I need help. But suddenly, the ninja guy exploded. Also yeayish.

"Wow," Bluejay said to Sunburn. "I gueth he wath jutht a robot." Then the blood fell on them, followed by the charred internal organs and his BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIN! "Gueth not."

They got back to the tower. More yeay. "We need to find information on Slode," Raven said. She went to the computor and turned it on, seeing Toucan Sam on the monitor. She sighed, remembering that RR76 had installed that just to bug them. Sam was lighting up a cigarette and muttering about the divorce proceedings. "Toucan Sam?" Raven asked.

Sam choked on the smoke (yeay rhymes!). "What the hell..? No. No! The voices, they're back!" he shouted.

"Open the crime files Toucan Sam," Raven ordered.

"No, no, stay back! Stay back dammit! My therapist says you aren't real!" Sam moaned.

"Just open the crime files Sam."

"No. NO! GET AWAY!" Toucan Sam grabbed a briefcase and flew off. Raven sighed again and brought up Lucky the annoying leprechaun. "Lucky," she said to him.

Lucky shrieked, brought a gun to his temple and blew his brains out. Raven yelled in frustration.

"Perhaps I could do better. Move out of the way or I will blow you," Blowbot told Raven. He stepped up and interfaced with the computor. The other Pre Teen Titans watched as something disturbing happened between the two.

"Okay...I don't think I should be seeing this..." Creature Kid said shakily.

"I am done. I will call you sometime Computor. Bluejay, delete folder 'Bluejay's Private Pictures,' or I will blow you." Bluejay blushed and went into the other room.

Later, there was a call from the Floppy Disk in Glowey Light place. Someone had broken in. The Titans, minus Bluejay, stormed in to find a guy with a hat and a trenchcoat eyeing the Floating Multi-Colored Floppy Disks of Doom. He had a pink Y on the brim of the hat, which hid his face.

"Pre Teen Titans, proceed. Or I will blow you," Blowbot shouted and the Pre Teen Titans attacked.

"Hi, I'm Pink Y. And you can't thtop me!" the guy said in an eerily familiar voice. He threw a bunch of pink Ys at them and they got all sticky and stuck to the floor. Pink Y ran away. Not yeay. Boo Pink Y!

Later, at Pre Teen Titans Tower, Pink--uh, Bluejay was doing something that involved Slode. He disappeared. Then the plot advanced a little bit.

"You have done well, Pink Y," Slode said to him. "We will meet face to face now. Or I'll kill you." And the plot continued to advance. Right into another "Glowey Light with Disk Inside" building. Pink Y and Slode stood facing each other.

BIO:  
NAME: SLODE WILSOSN  
AGE: 35  
HEIGHT: 6'12"  
WEIGHT: 190 IBS  
DESCRIPTION: LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE SLADE, ONLY WITH A BLACK AND ORANGE HAT INSTEAD OF THE MASK  
BIO: ...Moo.

They exchanged meaningless banter, and then the Slode Ninjas attacked Pink Y/Bluejay. The Pre Teen Titans came in, yadda yadda yadda, bit fight, yadda yadda yadda, Bluejay was revealed as Pink Y, yadda yadda yadda...so he started chasing after Slode, who escaped through the back door. Bluejay pulled a plothole out of his pocket, stepped through, and was suddenly in front of Slode AND in his normal blue tights. They exchanged more banter, then they fought, then Bluejay almost fell off of a building...and you know the rest.

Of course, when he was in his room, Sunburn came and slapped him. But she had a sunburn on her hand. So it hurt her. The end.

RR76: See that little button in the left hand corner? It would really mean alot if you would click that. Please.


	4. Hey, wanna be evil? Part 1

RR76: I'm gonna start putting this at the beginning of ALL my chapters unless people take the hint...

**HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! YOU SEE THAT LITTLE OPTION MENU THING DOWN THERE? AFTER YOU'RE DONE READING THE CHAPTER, SELECT SUBMIT REVIEW, CLICK GO, AND TELL ME WHAT YOU FRICKIN' THINK OF THE STORY! COME ON, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? JUST A LITTLE BUTTON! WOULDN'T TAKE TWO MINUTES! SO GO! DO IT! NOW!**

There. Obey me please. Seriously.

**Responses:**

**Drachegirl14: Ummmm...heh, sorry. Slipped my mind.**

**Rory: Yes. He's also a thumb. A gay thumb at that.**

**Don't own, don't sue.**

* * *

In the wonderfully wacky world of the brain of Bluejay, Slode was breaking giant rocky pillars. Apparently, this was against Bluejay's morals, so he attacked Slode. They fought, broke some pillars, until Bluejay had Slode pinned. "Okay then Thlode," Bluejay shouted. "I'm gonna thtop you onth and for all!" 

"Yeah, but look at that, you broke your friends. Cool," Slode replied.

Bluejay looked around to see broken statues of his friends Creature Kid, Sunburn, Blowbot and Crow. Wait--Crow? Something's wrong with that. So the stage crew came in, carved a Raven statue and smashed the Crow statue. Then they smashed the Raven statue. For continuity's sake. Oddly enough, the broken Raven statue got reeeeeeeeeeeeeal close to the broken Creature Kid statue and rubbed itself on the other...Creature Kid like...statue...and then a Beast Boy statue came and broke the Creature Kid statue further. So yeah.. Okay, that's confusing. They were all busted anyway, so who cares?

Bluejay shouted "NOOOOOOOOOO!" and pulled off Slode's mask to find--MARK HAMIL! No, wait, it was--LUKE SKYWALKER! I mean...ROBIN! Dammit, BLUEJAY! There we go. All better. And Thlode--er, Slode, laughed maniacally. Then Bluejay woke up to find Blowbot at the door.

"Bluejay, come quick. Slode has returned. He requires blowing," Blowbot droned. So Bluejay ran to the living room to see Slode on the giant TV. "Hello Titans," he said calmly. "I want to show you my newest plan for global death. It's called...a Croissant Detonator."

A sheet was pulled off of an object to reveal it was a giant croissant. Everybody gasped. "That's right, marvel at my evility!" Slode shouted. "This device, if detonated, will cover the entire city in it's rich...flaky...buttery...goodness...:drool:." Suddenly Slode started munching on the Croissant Detonator. "Mmmm, it's delightfully vicious! It's so deliciously...evil! Oh, this is good, better than--"

Raven shut off the TV. "Okay, that's a little too disturbing."

"We need to find out where it ith, and fatht!" Bluejay shouted. "Raven, look for clueth on there, I'm gonna go brood!" Bluejay walked off.

So Raven turned on the computor, but Sunburn shoved her out of the way, went to AlbinoBlackSheep dot com and started watching the Kitty Cat Dance.

"Cat, I'm a Kitty Cat. And I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance," the cat sang.

"This feline has givin me the knowladge that the detonator of puffed pastries is at the docks!" Sunburn cried. "Pre Teen Titans, PROCEED!" Bluejay smacked her for stealing his line. Don't ask how he got to the living room. I don't know. Also, I don't know how a dancing cat could tell you where a croissant bomb was located.

So then they went to the docks, and when they got there, they found no pastries, only an army of...Evil Fanta Girls! They came at them, dancing with soda and singing "Wanna Fanta, doncha wanna wanna Fanta, doncha wanna,"

They came up to Creature Kid. "Green Boy we want you to/Drink a Fanta, or we'll kill you!" They produced knives.

"Hurry, drink the Fanta! It's their sorce of power!" Creature Kid shouted. But Bluejay knocked them all out of the way and drank it all for himself. So HA! The other Titans cowered agains the wall, until Raven cowered a biiiity bit too close to Creature Kid...yeah. I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, so then they went in search of clues, but all they found was a janitor. And they killed him, but LO! Suddenly they were in the sewers and they did some searchin'. But then...

A man burst through the wall. He was tall, blond and muscular in shiny gray pants and an undershirt. Everyone started shouting.

"NO!" gapsed Bluejay. "It'th Fridge Largemeat!"

"Punt Speedchunk!" gasped Blowbot.

"Hunk Rockgroin!" gasped Creature Kid.

"Slab Bulkhead!" gasped Sunburn.

"Big McLargehuge!" gasped Raven.

So Thick McRunfast attacked and Bluejay elected to stay behind and fight him. The others went on ahead to find the Croissant Detonator. Which they did, but it was a dud and shot them with a happy laser of DOOM!

Meanwhile, Bluejay defeated Roll Fizzlebeef. He looked over Bold Bigflank and found a mysterious map of the city. A giant S was in the middle, indicating that was where Slode was hiding. Bluejay pulled out a plothole, jumped in and came out in Slode's hideout. They fought. Bluejay lost.

"You see, Bluejay," Slode told him. "For some time now, I have been looking for...my remote control. I lost it several years ago and never found it. So I have now decided to get someone else to buy a new one for me because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Then that person will stay behind as my personal Remote Control Boy for all eternity. Or else..."

He pushed a button and four panels came up showing the blood of his friends. "Or else I activate my Alcoholic Probes and get all of your friends completely and utterly sloshed! So, what'll it be?"

Bluejay looked at the probe monitors and sighed. "You win Thole. I'll work for you."

Slode blinked. "No, I meant what'll it be as in...what do you want to drink?"

"Bluejay? Bluejay? Bluejay? Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu--" Sunburn's vocal chords were broken, and she was stuck repeating Bluejay's name. So sad...

* * *

RR76: Review. See the button? Click on it. Write a review. Now. Now. Why are you still reading this? Why I ask you? REVIEW THE DAMN STORY! 


	5. Hey, wanna be evil? Part 2

RR76: Part 2 of "Hey, wanna be evil?" Enjoyness.

**Responses:**

**Rory: Yup. Fantanas are freaky. Their theme song is catchy but annoying. BEWARE!**

**im in a kill people mood: Just wait and see what else Starfire gets directions from...hahahahahaha...**

**Insane but Happy (aren't we all?): Your wish is my lunch. There shall be a smurf.**

**satusimpson: It's actually sad--out of the 9 humor fics I've done, five of them have been plotless. I wish I could say the same for this one, but alas...**

**HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! YOU SEE THAT LITTLE OPTION MENU THING DOWN THERE? AFTER YOU'RE DONE READING THE CHAPTER, SELECT SUBMIT REVIEW, CLICK GO, AND TELL ME WHAT YOU FRICKIN' THINK OF THE STORY! COME ON, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? JUST A LITTLE BUTTON! WOULDN'T TAKE TWO MINUTES! SO GO! DO IT! NOW!**

**Don't own, except for Creature Kid and Blowbot. And Sunburn.**

* * *

Meanwhile, Creature Kid and Raven were searching the city for Bluejay, with no luck (I know it was Starfire in the show, but come on, Sunburn sucks). Blowbot, meanwhile, was searching the sewars. "It would appear that Bluejay and Blast Hardcheese did battle, but I cannot ascertain who won. Someone must be blown." 

Sunburn was watching The Smurfs for any clue as to the wherabouts of Bluejay. "La, la, la la la la, sing a happy song!" the blue creatures sang joyously.

"It would appear that the Smurfs have not yet located friend Bluejay," Sunburn reported.

Suddenly, Smurfette and Papa Smurf jumped out of the T.V. "That's right Sunburn," Smurfette cackled. "And soon, we will smurfing kill those smurftacularly smurfy bastards!' Sunburn gave an Evil Boistrous Laugh and went back to watching for Bluejay as Papa Smurf got himself a beer.

Suddenly, there was a breakin and the Pre Teen Titans WENT! To the Multicolored Floppy Disk Center, where there was a "Laser". The intruder grabbed the "Laser" and tried to escape, but was stopped by the Pre Teen Titans. And then, GASP! It was Bluejay. He pulled out the "Laser" he stole, and started shooting the Pre Teen Titans, and there was a fight...ho hum...and then he was standing on the giant letter E on the Bayne building, and Sunburn was there, and then...

"Bluejay, please shoot me," Sunburn begged.

"Okay!" Bluejay squealed, and prepared to shoot her, when suddenly RR76 was screaming at him through the radio thingy "You idiot, this is where there's supposed to be an internal conflict! Act conflicted!"

Bluejay sighed and lowered the "Laser". "No, Thunburn, I can't do it, I will not hurt you..." Bluejay said unconvincingly. So then SLODE yelled at him and activated the Alcoholic Probes.

Suddenly Sunburn fell on the Y in the giant BAYNE sign. "Bluejay, yer named after a biiiiiiiiird..." she said, obviously sloshed.

Creature Kid crawled over to Raven. "I'm gonna make you feel beutiful Rae-Rae..." he said slurrily (MY word). The two started going at it below the B. Blowbot, meanwhile, blew up the leter A. Since he's drunk. Do robots drink...?

Anyway, so Bluejay shot Sunburn, and then they all stopped being drunk.

Creature Kid and Raven abruptly stopped making out JUST as Creature Kid had his hand down Raven's leotard. He pulled it out and started spitting. "AAAAAH, RAVEN GERMS!" He pulled away but Raven grabbed him and, whoop-dee-doo, they were back at it.

Meanwhile, Sunburn and Blowbot were trying to figure out what just happened, when suddenly Bluejay came, punched them, and left. His "Laser" was broken. By Raven. Plothole.

And so, Bluejay pulled out _yet another_ plothole, jumped in and was back at Slode's hideout, where he punched the Slode person. Then they started fighting, and then Slode did the thing where he ground Bluejay's head into the cement, and then he threataned to make the others get wasted again, and Bluejay objected, and then the Pre Teen Titans came.

"No, what are you doing here?" Bluejay shouted. "He injected probeth in your bloodthtream to make you drunk at the puth of a button!"

The Pre Teen Titans gasped and ran off screaming. Bluejay was left to his fate. And so he...DIED! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Meanwhile, in the boardroom, RR76, Nabeshin and Sopi Sopopolopolous, the donut girl, were debating who should replace Bluejay. And then they decided. It would be...eh, I'm not telling.

* * *

POLL: Who do you want to be the guy to replace Brother Blood? 

A. Fat Man, the evil head of Novicorp. He's also really really old and fat.

B. Torgo, the Evil Butler of Doom. He takes care of the place while the Master is away...

C. Made up charecter with a dumb name.

Take your pick. This'd be longer, but I have writers block. Sorry.

Review please.


	6. Dirt

RR76: I'm sorry it took me so damn long to update this. Well, here you are.

**Responses:**

**Rory: 1 for A. Hmm, how's the eye-shielding going?**

**SaintH: Hmmm, Crabs...huh.**

**im in a kill people mood: I should put Bender in here! Or Zoidburg. Meh, I know it was sucky. Sorry. That's one for Torgo.**

**Archergirl87: I wrote the theme song for another story. See, long before this, I had another story. That was back when people actually READ my stories. And I wrote the theme song for that. The Pre Teen Titans were in it. So yeah. I'm glad you like the story. So that's two for A. Just wait and see what BB does.**

**EvilCherry: That's 1 for C. Anyway, thank you for the review. Plotholes make us strong, don't they?**

**Don't own and so on, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah, can we just get on with it?**

* * *

In the magical canyon of happy people, outside of the city...even though there's no room for it, I mean, come on, there's the ocean on one side, and a bustling metropolis on the other! How does a canyon fit into all of that? 

I'm sorry. Anyway, there was a giant scorpian. Named Fred. Or Charles. Or Caleb. Yeah, Caleb. That's the ticket. And he was chasing a preppy blond girl who was anorexic and flat. Fun. And so they did the chasing, and suddenly, the budget ran out and the flat girl came to the end of the universe and could travel no more!

But LO! Out of nowhere came the Pre Teen Titans: Raven, Blowbot, Creature Kid (Raven: smacks RR76 for not putting her name next to CKs), Sunburn, and their new leader...Gypsy!

**Charecter bio:  
Name: Gypsy  
Age: I dunno  
Height: I dunno  
Weight: I dunno  
Power: Um...zizzle stick!  
Description: Coil attatched to a purple block that is a head. Flashlight for eye.  
Bio: Built by janitor. Spent 10 years in space alongside former Titan Crow T. Robot.**

"Pre Teen Titans, GO!" she shouted in her high pitched voice. But it was soon apparent that the girl could take care of herself.

Flat girl started talking to Caleb the Giant Scorpian. "So, so I talked to David the other day, and I told him I was gonna go to Sarahs wedding, and he says 'Well, then I'm going hunting with Dave and the guys on Friday' and so I said 'Not unless you take out the trash, 'cause my 4-year plan-' oh, did I tell you about my 4-year plan? Well, the thing is--"

"No, stop! Please! I'm...so...bored..." Caleb said, and suddenly died.

So Flat Girl climed up to where the Titans were. "That was incredible!" Gypsy exclamed.

"Yes, for a brief time, I was afraid we would have to blow the scorpian," Blowbot droned.

Creature Kid drooled and Raven felt her anger rise. She decided right then and there that she hated Flat Girl.

"Like, no way! It's like, the Pre Teen Titans! My name's Dirt, I'm like, soooooo happy to meet you!" Flat Girl said in a valley girl voice.

**Charecter Bio:  
Name: Dir--**

"Shove it dickweed!" Raven snapped, shoving a beefsteak down RR76's throat. RR76 gasped, choked, and died. DIEEEEED! Then he came back to life, because...aw, who cares.

So anyway. "Nice to meet you," Gypsy said. "I'm--"

"Ah, you must be Gypsy! Like, Bluejay told me about you from Hell!. And let's see, you're Blowbot, right?"

"Pleased to not blow you," Blowbot stated.

"And Sunburn, like, howzit goin'?" Dirt asked Sunburn, slapping her on the back. Sunburn screetched in pain.

"You're Crow, right?" she asked Raven.

"...Crow quit midway through the first episode..." Raven replied through gritted teeth, a vein on her forehead pulsating with bitterness and rage.

"Like, okay! And then you must be..."

"I love you!" Creature Kid blurted out. Raven slapped him and went off to cry. Her emotions blew up half the city of Leap. Too bad.

So anyway, they took Dirt back to Pre Teen Titan Tower, where she ate all their food, dirtied their bathroom, and washed her filth on their sink. So pretty.

Anyway, eventually, she and Creature Kid went down to the rocks to make out. Which they did. And Raven was watching and got all sad. Then her communicator rang and she took it out to see Beast Boy looking at her with his trademark grin on his face. "...Hello Beast Boy..." she mumbled.

"You okay Raven?" he asked her, concern in his eyes. "You look sad."

"...it's nothing..." she sighed. "What do you need?"

"Well, I just wanted to check in on you, see if you were doing okay...maybe ask if you were CHEATING ON ME!"

"What?" Raven snapped to life and started shifting her eyes. You know, like in the movies.

"...I'm just kidding!" Beast Boy laughed. Raven sighed in relief. "Anyway, just checking in. Carson leaving you alone?"

"He tried to decapitate me next to the water cooler the other day, but I told him to suck on it."

Beast Boy cocked his head. "Suck on what?"

"His cutlass."

"Oh." They were silent.

"Well, gotta get going. Starfire's making the Pudding of death. The secret ingredient is cadavers," Beast Boy said with a sigh.

"Wow, I pity you," Raven said.

"Yeah...well, hope to see you soon. You sure you're okay?" Raven nodded. "...Alright then. I love you Rae. Remember that." The com went blank. Raven smiled, and then got all guilty about her not-so-torrid affair with Creature Kid. Ain't that cute? Then, a cow dropped out of nowhere. "You cannot deny your heritige, Limbaugh," it told her.

"I ain't Rush Limbaugh."

"Oh." The cow poofed away into dust.

So then...yawn...they came to the happy underground mine of doom, where Slodebots were tearing everything up with their Slodeish Laser pistols of doom and joy. There was a fight, and then Dirt ran off down the mineshaft, only to come face-to-face with...SLODE.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Slode."

"Like, I'm Dirt!" Dirt replied. They stared deep into each other's souls for a while.

"...Wanna go out with me?" asked Slode.

"LIke, sure!"

So they went to dinner, a movie, then for coffee, and then Slode took her back to the mineshaft. "So, uh...I'd really like to see you again. Here's my number," Slode said, giving her a slip of paper. "You ever decide you want someone to beat and abuse you, you...go ahead and give me a call...you know?"

"Like, okay! But I'm already dating Creature Kid!" Dirt squealed preppily.

"He'll only break your heart."

"Like, NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dirt shouted. PMS took it's toll on her, and she brought the mineshaft down around them. But Creature Kid saved her life.

Back at the tower, Dirt ran off to date Slode. Creature Kid cried. Raven smacked him with a beefsteak. Yeay.

* * *

RR76: Review please. 


	7. Titan Going the Opposite of Down

RR76: Yep. I'm updating. Good.

**Responses:**

**EMBER91: Strudelganger!**

**Rory: Hey, you thought that Dirt's speech was boring then, wait till you see what she does next. 'Certain boys'? Ahem.**

**im in a kill people mood: But beefsteak is delicious!**

**SaintH: Yep. Slode. We should petition the administrators of the site to stop being so damned picky, or something. They removed fourthelement's story. Just like Pre Teen Titans and 3rd Wall.**

**Lady Katreina: I'm makin' more, I'm makin' more...**

**This chapter is dedicated to the memory of "When Titans Sing," "3rd Wall? We don't need no 3rd wall!" "Pre Teen Titans: The Original" "Code Lyoko Insanity 4" and all other stories deleted by ff dot net.**

**Don't own. Don't sue.**

* * *

So. The Pre Teen Titans were on their rooftop playing a rousing game of Volley Tennis. What is Volley Tennis, you ask? Words cannot describe it. Actually they can: The bastard son of Volleyball and Tennis. 

Creature Kid served the ball, and unfortunately, Sunburn jammed her fingers trying to 'set' the ball. See, you can only hit the ball in one of three ways:

1. Poking it with your thumb, index and middle finger.

2. Backhanding it.

3. Spiking it, which is actually kind of fun.

So Gypsy tried to spike it, but then remembered: She has no hands. And the ball fell off the roof into the ocean. Raven tried to get it, but suddenly a plothole opened up at the edge of the tower. Out of the plothole stepped...Dirt.

"DIRT!" Creature Kid shouted, and glomped her. They then proceeded to make loud obnoxious love, but Raven stopped them before it went to far. "What the hell are you doing here? Go back to your pep rally, bitch!" she shouted, grabbing a machete and attacking Dirt. The stage crew held her back.

"Like, hi guys, howzit goin?" Dirt squealed preppily. Raven punched her and ran off. Just then, the monster known as Writers Block arrived. The Pre Teen Titans tried to fight it off, but he was too strong, and sent them two minutes into the future, where they had to fight a giant tapeworm! Dun dun dun! They fought, and eventually killed it, and followed it's trail, for you see...it was like...from the underground...yeah... and they got to this big ol' circular thingy...and then three more tapeworms came and ran off. Creature Kid, Blowbot and Sunburn went off after them, Gypsy, Raven and Dirt stayed behind to find Slode. How did they know he was behind this? I dunno. Plothole.

Anywho, Slode was behind some big ol' wall of dirt. "Crap. How do we get past that?" Raven asked.

"Like, never fear!" Dirt exclamed. "I'm, like, 3/4 dirt on my mothers' side! I, like, speak Dirtenese!" She walked up to the wall of dirt, cleared her throat, and started talking in a strange language. "Like, Saouldal pro gemstian Dirt. Eir flenstegem siroc dun esperdochni hel morth. Ploegol spliglen jon gorgo voible stricknine del socom, efenint bellscratchum dinglehopper saltoblastrig nipplepinchy?"

The wall of dirt opened up. "What did you say to the dirt?" Gypsy asked, scratching her purple box head. Of course, since she had no hands, she had to have Raven scratch her head for her.

Dirt blushed. "Like, I used the advice given to me by my mother, Ms. Haris Pilton!" She skipped preppily down the opened road of dirt. Raven and Gypsy stared after her. "I don't even want to know..." Raven sighed.

* * *

Back with the others, things weren't going so well. They had chased the giant tapeworms to the top of the...Earth...planet...thingy...and found that they were trying to sink Pre Teen Titan's Tower into the ground. Boo tapeworms! So they got to fighting the tapeworms. Which also wasn't going so well, because the only thing that they could to them was A) Give them sunburns B) Blow them C) Splash green paint all over them. Actually that last one would give them lead poisoning. So that's what they did, I guess.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dirt, Raven and Gypsy had arrived at the end of the tunnel and found a giant computor thingy, and another giant tapeworm trying to eat the rock out from under the Tower. "We have to stop those tapeworms! Maybe there's a clue on how to do that in this computor!" They ran to the computor, but Slode appeared and kicked Gypsy out of the way. "Slode..." Gypsy muttered. 

"Like, hi baby!" Dirt squealed, glomping Slode. Slode pushed her away. "Not now, sugarfoot. Maybe later."

"'Baby'? 'Sugarfoot?'" Raven asked suspicously. Dirt sweatdropped.

"You two stop the tapeworms, I'll fight off Slode with my Zizzle Stick!" Gypsy shouted, pulling out a stick made entirely out of beef. The two got to fighting.

Dirt and Raven exchanged a look. "All right, that...seriously sounded wrong," Raven said blankly. Dirt nodded her agreement. They ran back to the computor. "Okay, now lets see if we can stop the tapeworms." Which they didn't. And the tower started to fall through the dirt ceiling. "Come on, there's nothing we can do!" Raven shouted to Dirt.

"Like, yes there is. Trust me!" Dirt shouted back. She stepped forward, raised her arms, and...

"So anyway, like, I was driving down the road the other day, and I like, saw this guy on the side of the road, and he, like, had this sign that said "Hollywood or Bust," and so I, like, pulled over and asked him "What's your name?" and he's, like, "Hauly Phore." So I, like, got him in the car, and we went to this motel, and I, like, did this thing that I can't, like, talk about! So anyway I kept driving, and I got to where I was going, but I got there early, so I went to this cute little coffee place next door, and they served the most delightful double-mocha espresso I'd, like, ever had! So I'm sitting there, drinking my coffee, and I look to my left and there's this guy over there and I'm like 'omigod, that's Prad Bitt!" So I called up my friend Janice and I'm like 'omigod Janice you are not gonna believe this!' and she's all 'what what what?" and I'm like, 'I'm sitting right next to Prad Bitt!' and she's all 'no you are not,' and I'm like, 'yes I am, he's drinking a decaf latte!' And we laughed, and I'm like sitting there, and Prad looks at me and he's like, 'Pipe down or I'll tear your windpipe out,' and I'm like, 'I'm sitting next to Prad Bitt and he's threatening me!' And he pulls out a knife and..."

"All right, all right, I won't drop! Yeesh, stupid blond bimbo..." the hunk of dirt that the Tower rested on muttered.

So later, at the tower, Raven and Dirt were walking down the tower, talking about girly things like tampons and lipstick, and...um...what else are teenage girls into...Morgan Freeman. Anyway, then they walked into a dark room. "Like, where are we Raven?" Dirt asked dumbly.

"The killfloor," Raven said menacingly, unsheathing a sword. "Time to die!" She pounced on her, swinging the sword wildly, cutting through Dirt's flesh over and over again, until finally--

"Cut!" RR76 shouted. "Raven, what the hell? You weren't supposed to kill her! You know what, I'm sick of you constantly screwing things up, and murdering the cast members, and yes, forcing yourself onto Creature Kid every five seconds! If Crow came back from Minnesota right now, asking for his job back, I'd fire you in a heartbeat!"

Just then Crow burst in. "Hi everybody, I'm back! Can I have my job again?"

RR76 chuckled. "Oh Carson...Raven is fired." Carson came out of nowhere, grabbed Raven, and dragged her off. "NOOOOOOOOO! Creature Kid, help me! Please!" Creature Kid did nothing. So Raven was left to her horrible fate. But she had sneakily activated her "Aw, Crap" signal on her communicator.

* * *

Back at Titan's Tower, a light started flashing. "It's Raven!" Robin shouted. "She's in trouble!" 

"What? We have to save her!" Beast Boy said heroically.

Robin pulled out his Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil. "Titans, go!"

Cyborg tapped Robin on the shouldar. "Do you think coulda given your sword a more convenient name?"


	8. Attack of the Random Authors of Doom!

RR76: Yep. Here it is. Updating. You know. With the writing. And the updating...and the...yeah. I'm bad at this.

**Responses:**

**satusimpson: Yes. Fun.**

**Rory: Gypsy won't last long, trust me. And, heh, Dirt's preppy speeches get longer and longer each time.**

**EMBER91: Beefsteak! Soy sauce! Cheese!**

**SaintH: Oh. Well then. Morgan don't get much action. And you don't know; you might have been in the Pilton sex tape.**

**I own: Creature Kid, Blowbot, Sunburn, Slode, Dirt, Pre Teen Titans Tower, the Slode Bots, Carson and beefsteak. Nah, I don't.**

**I don't own: Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire, Robin, Slade, Gypsy, Crow, Fantanas, Nick, Kalgon, The Master, "Manos", and so on and so forth.**

**There. With that in mind, enjoy the show dammit!**

_

* * *

RR76 era_

There once, long ago, in a galaxy not so far away, a guy. His name was...Ator. And he did stuff. But that's boring, so we won't talk about it. We'll talk about the day when Dirt betrayed the Pre Teen Titans.

Ah yes, such a lovely day it was. You know. If you ignore the fact that the sky was purple, and the hordes of Fantanas that were robbing a hidden bunker in the forest of random stuff. At least they were. Until along came...the Pre Teen Titans!

Gypsy grabbed her zizzle stick. "Pre Teen Titans, GO!" And GO! they did. The Fantanas, though, weren't giving up without a fight. They pulled out their respective sodas. "Tiny childran, playing hero/Justicewise, you're batting zero! Wanna Fanta, doncha wanna, wanna Fanta, doncha wanna...," They charged, spraying sticky fruit-flavored carbonated goodness all over the Pre Teen Titans. Alas, there was little they could do against this mighty onslaught!

"Alas, there is little we can do against this mighty onslaught!" Sunburn said, moaning in pain as the carbonation stung her sunburns. She suddenly peeled off the peeling skin from her sunburns, rolled it into a ball and threw it at the Fantanas, crushing several of them. One popped up for a second. "Ow, this ball is really heavy/I'll die in T-Minus 20!" At that point, everyone in the world snuck up on the Author, and smacked him over the head for writing such a cheesy rhyme that barely even rhymed.

Meanwhile, Gypsy was beating Fantanas with her zizzle stick, while Blowbot blew several others. Lucky feller--I mean, er--uh...look, a penguin! (author runs off and puts Torgo in the chair) "You're the author now Torgo!" RR76 shouted.

"WhAT? REAlly? COol!" Torgo squealed. He started typing...

_

* * *

Torgo Era_

Meanwhile, SlodeBOTS converged on Dirt. Her POWers of telling long winded storIES about PREppy make-up and jewlry were great, but agains the mindless Fantanas, they were NOTHing. Until Creature Kid popped out of nowhere and TURNed into a frog. And as we all know, FANtanas are terriFIED of frogs. They ran away, singING "Frogs are green and gross and icky/We don't like them, we're too picky!" SUDDenly, RR76 appearED out of noWHERE and PUNCHed Torgo for writing that extremLY gay rhyme.

"WhAT the heLL was thAT for, MASter?" Torgo demanded.

"Dude, you can't just write cheesy rhymes over and over again! You think you'd have learned from me!" RR76 replied.

"ThEN why don't yOU wrITE the DIAlouge, EINStein?" Torgo snapped, standing up and wobbling away. RR76 smirked, sat down and started typing again.

_

* * *

RR76 era_

So anyway, Dirt and Creature Kid had a make-out session, and this went on for many hours without the interruptions of Raven. How is Raven, you ask? I don't know. Haven't seen her. So anywho, they went back to the Tower and got a pizza, which they then sacrificed to Ugluk, God of Penniwinkle. What is Penniwinkle, you ask? Who knows. Who cares. So anyway, then they went off to sleep. SLEEP! When all of a sudden, the B Movie FanFiction Union came marching up to RR76 with Torgo at the front. "MASter, we deMAND an EQual share of the wrITING, as callED for in PARAgraph 2, sec. 4 of the FF UNIon ChartER."

"Fine, whatever..." RR76 grumbled, getting up from the chair. Nick Miller, the big chinned guy with the Cessna, sat down eagerly and started writing the chapter.

_

* * *

Nick Era_

But sleep caused an alternent tangent to be brought into existence, so to correct the problem, Creature Kid got out of bed to talk to Dirt in an attempt to stop GenCorp from ever getting their hands on the Transport. They talked, and then Creature Kid gave her a box, because boxes are what stops alternent tangents from coming into existence. "Like, Creature Kid," Dirt exclamed. "Like, it's the most beutiful thing I've ever seen, like, ohmigod!"

"That's good," Creature Kid said. "This means that we can to to the year 1777 and correct the tangent problem!"

"Okay Chin Boy, out of the chair!" RR76 snarled. Nick glumly got up. "And put on your chinderwear, for God's sake!" the Raider fan snapped. Nick pulled out a mini pair of briefs and put them over his rather large chin. The Master gave a Boistrously Evil Laugh and climbed into the chair, starting to type.

_

* * *

Master Era_

But "Manos" did not approve of Dirt's going out on dates! The law of "Manos" exists for us only! Dirt grabbed the box and ran into her room to worship "Manos"! Creature Kid, meanwhile, went back to his room to find a way to ask "Manos" to tie Dirt to a pole in the backyard so he could date her that way, when all of a sudden, Dirt showed up at his window, floating under the divine power of "Manos"! "Like, Creature Kid, do you, like, wanna go out?" she asked. Creature Kid nodded, and was endowed with the power of "Manos"! The two floated away, into the city, while deep inside the Tower, Slode-Bots were crawling in to do bidding for someone other than "Manos"!

"That's enough Master!" RR76 said. Carson came up and shot the Master, then went back to whatever it was he was doing with Raven. Kalgon, leader of the Enforcers, laughed maniacally and sat down, typing.

_

* * *

Kalgon Era_

The Slodebots, muahaha, crawled through the Tower, muahaha, and Blowbot, without noticing them, went to the Refridgerator, muahaha, getting a large sandwich that he could ingest, muahaha. "This sandwich will give me energy that I can use to blow people," Blowbot said in a monotone, muahaha. He suddenly noticed the Slodebots, muahaha, and ran off to get the other Pre Teen Titans, muahaha.

Meanwhile, muahaha, Dirt and Creature Kid were at a seedy diner filled with truckers and bacon, muahaha. Dirt ordered pie for the two of them, muahaha, but it sucked, so they stopped eating it, muahaha, and ran off into the darkness, muahaha.

"Time's up Kalgon!" RR76 said. Out of nowhere, a guy in shiny grey pants and an undershirt driving a golf cart came, screamed, jumped out of said golf cart, and the golf cart crashed into Kalgon. He died. With all the members of the union gone, RR76 got back into the chair and took over once again.

_

* * *

RR76 era_

The other Pre Teen Titans joined Blowbot in fighting the Slodebots. "There are many of these Congigational Stroombleshibies!" Sunburn screeched.

"Could you PLEASE stop talking like that?" Crow said with an exasperated sigh.

'It doesn't matter. Pre Teen Titans, GO!" Gypsy shouted, brandishing her Zizzle Stick once more. They got into a fight, and then there was a big blank spot that said "Insert Scene Here." Back with Dirt and Creature Kid, they had gone to Wisneyland, built in 1980 by Dalt Wisney. They rode the Barfinator, the Throwupalot, the Hurlotron, and the Spewspinner, before settling down so Creature Kid could win Dirt a prize on the Cookie Toss (heh, barf themed park). They then settled down to a nice, quiet ride on the Ferris Wheel...of BARF! HAHAHAHAHA!

"Dirt, I want to ask you some-blauuuuuughh..." Creature Kid said, throwing up. He wiped his mouth. "I want to ask you something. Are you having fun?" Creature Kid asked.

"Like, of course I-gllluuuuuuuhhhh..." Dirt said, tossing her cookies over the side of the Ferris Wheel. "Of course I am Creature Kid. Like, why wouldn't I? Other than the fact that Slode is right behind you."

"No problem," Creature Kid said, kissing her. They lay down on the seat as Creature Kid's hands went up Dirt's--"Slode's WHAT?"

"Right behind you," Slode said in a Slodeish way. He backhanded Creature Kid. "Stay offa mah girlfri-bububleaaaaaaaahhhh..." Slode said, throwing up all over Dirt. She frowned and wiped it off. Slode cleared his throat. "Stay offa mah girlfriend!" he shouted.

"Girlfriend? What?" Creature Kid asked forlornishly.

"Like, yeah! I'm dating Slode! I never really liked you Creature Kid! Like, bye!" She and Slode then jumped off, into a plothole. Formed by beefsteak.

"Dirt..." Creature Kid whispered sadly. "I...I love...bleeeeaaaaachhhh..."

And with that over, everyone lived happily ever after. Not if I have anything to say about it! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha--Kalgon, off the computor. NOW!

* * *

Review please. 


	9. Earfkwake! Part 1

RR76: Howdy. Sorry, I know it's been a week since I updated this, and I'm eternally sorrowfull. To make it up to you, I will insert randomness and hilarity into this chapter, which, granted, I do all the damn time, but still.

**Responses:**

**Rory: If you want to turn me in as a schitzo, feel free.**

**Satu Simpson: Tehehehehehehehehehehehehe...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**october tuscany: Wow. For once, you didn't tell me to write for Harry Potter. I'm shocked. Glad you liked.**

**EMBER91: I'd screw those up. Sorry.**

**SaintH: Don't shoot:pulls out Robin and runbs away: Now shoot!**

**The Alabama Kid: I'll see what I can do to work you into the plot.**

**im in a kill people mood: Damn, sorry. My brother went to France last spring. He could have bought a katana, but bought a really gay hat instead. Smart fellow...**

**Don't own and so forth.**

* * *

"You have done well, snookums," Slode said to his girlfriend, Dirt. "You are incredibly hot, thin, and young (and a real tiger in the sack, rowwr...), enough to satisfy my sick pedophilic urges. I suppose it's time now..." Slode got on one knee and pulled out a small black box. Inside was a ring carved from Bluejay's knuckle. "Dirt," Slode said slowly. "Will you...marry me?" 

"Like, of course I will Slode!" Dirt squealed, and kissed Slode.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Pre Teen Titans were driving about downtown in the Pre-Car, and Creature Kid was trying to make everyone and everything in the Pre-Car depressed, because the sexual advances of Raven and the subsequent betrayel of Dirt had left deep emotional scars that caused him to turn Goth. "Pain is what this world is about. This world was concieved in pain, and it will end in pain. Pain is the source of emotion as we know it. My take on pain is--" 

"Would you SHUT UP ALREADY ABOUT PAIN YOU DAMN POSER?" Crow barked. "God..."

"God is a device used to make people conform to a specific ideoligy."

"Creature Kid, I must protest your status as Goth," Sunburn said as she applied more cream to her sunburns.

"Indeed Creature Kid, I insist that you cease your posing as a Goth, or I will blow you," Blowbot droned.

"Conformists," Creature Kid muttered, rolling his eyes. The other Titans sighed.

Suddenly, a giant thing of eyeshadow crashed into the Pre-Car. The Titans got and saw...Dirt standing there in a shiny suit. "Like, hi guys!" she yelled, and threw a bunch of lingere at the Pre Teen Titans.

"Pre Teen Titans--" Gypsy started to shout, but was suddenly conked on the noggin and shot into space. Without their leader, the Pre Teen Titans fell apart and ran away back to their inconspicuous P-shaped tower in the middle of the bay, where they sulked until a light in the sky appeared. Out of nowhere stepped...

"T--Torgo?" Crow whispered.

"Torgo...yes, that wAS my nAME. But now I am...TORgo the whITE."

"What is the purpose for your presence?" Sunburn whispered, hypnotized by Torgo's shineosity.

"Don't you knOW not to LOok a giftHORSE in the mOUTH?" Torgo the White snapped. He calmed down. "I have COme to retURN that whICH you HAve lOST."

A second light descended from Heavan and out of this light stepped...

"He-llooooooo!" it said in a really gay voice.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH! IT'S BLUEJAY!" everyone screamed.

Just then the alarm went off, as Dirt had freed the three most deadly monsters in all of Leap City: Touch Rustrot the weightlifter in the shiny grey pants, the Creeping Terror carpet monster, and Count Sparkula the Electric Vampire. So the Pre Teen Titans divided themselves up: Bluejay the White and Sunburn went after Reef Blastbody, Blowbot and Creature Kid went after the Creeping Terror, and Crow went after Count Sparkula.

* * *

Bluejay the White and Sunburn stared at the screaming golf-cart driving weightlifter. "Stump Chunkman!" shouted Bluejay. 

"Bob Johnson!" gasped Sunburn. "No, wait..."

* * *

Blowbot and Creature Kid attacked the Creeping Terror. "I am having a distinct lack of luck blowing this Creeping Terror!" Blowbot said as he tried to blow the carpet monster. 

"I have an idea: Let's stand here idly while the monster eats us!" Creature Kid said brightly.

"Excellent idea. Then we can try to climb into his mouth if we have any trouble! Execute the plan, or I will blow you!" Blowbot suggested.

* * *

Crow and Count Sparkula stared at each other. Then Count Sparkula went away and Dirt appeared out of nowhere and threw tampons at Crow. Crow fell into the ground and disappeared.

* * *

Dirk Hardpeck fell off a cliff. Sunburn and Bluejay the White cheered...and then screamed as Dirt came and buried them in dirty laundry. Bluejay the White ascended back into Second Bananna Heavan and Sunburn fell into the Earth.

* * *

The Creeping Terror was at Wisneyland, riding the Spewspinner, and randomly threw up Creature Kid and Blowbot. Dirt appeared and covered the two of them in potato cassarole. Suddenly, a plothole appeared and sucked in Blowbot. Creature Kid dangled at the edge, and looked up to see Dirt. "Dirt, please, don't do this..." he whispered. 

"Like, sorry CK, but my fiance commands it!" Dirt cheered.

"Fiance? What the--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Creature Kid shouted as he tumbled into the plothole.

* * *

The four remaining Pre Teen Titans sat solomnly. "What do we do now?" sniffed Creature Kid. He broke down in sobs and his mascara started to run. 

"What we have to do," a voice said. The Pre Teen Titans looked up and gasped.

"We're going to kill Dirt," the voice said. He stepped out of the darkness and it was--

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP


	10. Earfkwake! Part 2

RR76: I'm still alive dammit! Now I order you to read that which I have written, or suffer the conseekwensees. Yes, I know I said conseekwensees. Whatayagonnadoaboutit, eh? Eh? I said EH? YOU REFUSE TO REPLY TO MY SAYING EH? YOU WILL BE PUNISHED! (throws badger at you) DEATH BY BADGER!

Badgers are cool, aren't they? Almost as cool as medicine cabinets and beefsteak. But that's just me.

**Responses:**

**Due to circumstances beyond his control, the Author cannot reply to reviews. He apologizes for the inconvenience.**

* * *

Word spred like wildfire that the defenders of truth, justice, and homoerotica, the Pre Teen Titans, had fallen. With that, the noble citizens of Leap City got into a single file line and marched downtown to get themselves murdered. What fun. What stupidity. 

Dirt floated on her giant perch of lipstick and thongs, leading the army of dancing Fantanas down the abandoned streets of Leap City. "We have conquered the whole city/Time to drink our drinks so fizzy! Wanna Fanta, doncha wanna--" SMASH! One of the Fantanas exploded after being hit by a Mysterious Laser from the Beyond. A group of them was hit with a Mirth Morter, causing them to laugh themselves to death. Still another got green paint splashed on her and died. STILL another was inflicted with first-degree burns and died from all the itching and stinging. And STILL ANOTHER was...um, well, she was wrapped up in a swirling blue and red light that resembled a lava lamp and...kinda imploded in a flash of green static. It's this weird thing from this TV movie made by PBS called Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. The movie really, um, sucks.

Anywho, that left Dirt all alone. She got down from her lipstick and thong perch and was soundly bitch slapped by the Pre Teen Titans. She ran away bawling.

The Pre Teen Titans stepped out of a smoggy foggy cover of, well, Sfog, which is equal parts Smog and Fog. Sfog. Look it up jackass. "Our friend greatly resembled poultry during her retreat," Sunburn said sadly (SSS!)

"...Right then. I have no clue as to what she said people," said Crow.

"It doesn't matter," a voice with a Puerto Rican accent said. All eyes turned to the Pre Teen Titan's new leader...Aram Fingal, or just Fingal. He looks and talks JUST like the late great Raul Julia. Look him up jackass. He wore a green shirt and tan pants, and had the power to make no sense. "We must stop Novicorp before the Fat Man can delete my brain!"

Everyone stared. "THIS is our leader?" Creature Kid exclamed.

"Dissent in the ranks is not good for morale Creature Kid," Blowbot stated. "Be silent, or I will blow you."

"Dude, just SHUT THE HUCKING FELL UP ALREADY!" Creature Kid shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Where are you going, my young hot lady?" Slode hissed at his fiance, Dirt, through a Magical Earpiece from Hell.

"Like, I was getting my petite ass kicked Slode!" Dirt chirped. "I had to, like, get out of there!"

"NO!" Slode roared. "You must defeat them. Only then can we truly be together."

So Dirt stepped out of hiding when she was punched by Blowbot, who then blew her. With his Mystical Laser from the Beyond. DUH! The rest of the Pre Teen Titans charged, and Dirt was soundly beaten back. This continued until Dirt ran very very far away. "Like, Slode, I can't take them alone!"

"Dear hunnybunch," Slode said, "You are never alone."

Out of nowhere appeared the three monsters from the last chapter, Count Sparkula, the Creeping Terror, and Bolt Vanderhuge. The three monsters were surrounded by glowy light until the congeled into one fat guy. And it was...

"Mr. Fingal!" the new villian, Fat Man, said, burping. "My apologies, but..." He pulled out a pistol. "You are being terminated with _extreme _porkchops!"

Fingal raised his arms into the air. "I HAVE INTERFACE!" he shouted, and started glowing orange. He walked up to Fat Man and stood there stoicly, a blue and red light circling him. He stared at Fat Man and Fat Man dropped his gun.

Fat Man's eyes bulged. "Oh, it's the big one!" he gasped.

Fingal stood there and stared at Fat Man some more. Fat Man's eyes bulged some more. "Hold on, I'm...passing a ham through my left ventricle!" Fat Man gasped some more.

Fingal did some more staring. "Think of all the sausages I'll never eat!" Fat Man sobbed.

Fingal stared some more. Geez, are you killing him or trying to fall in love with him? Dammit, just FINISH HIM OFF! Sorry. Rant of doom. Hee.

Fingal stared SOME MORE... and then the red and blue lava lamp thing surrounded Fat Man and made him disappear in a haze of turquoise static.

The other three Titans stared. Wait--three? Where's Creature Kid?

"Good question, Narrator san," Crow said blankly. "Where is the little bastard?"

Fingal, still orange, walked up to his teammates. "Hey, did you hear, I'm interfaced you know," he said exitedly.

Suddenly, a kid with red hair and a gun ran out of nowhere. "MOVE THE TROOPS TO THE WEST!" he shouted, and ran off.

Everyone stared blankly. "Okay, that was random," Crow said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dirt ran into Slode's Underground Chamber of Doom. "Slode, lover, I lost!" 

"Aww, it's okay Dirt," Slode cooed, taking the girl into his arms.

Suddenly, Creature Kid ran out of nowhere. "DIRT!" he gasped. "TAKE YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF HER SLODE!"

"Filthy...okay, that's just rude!" Slode sniffed. "I'll have you know I wash my hands before every meal and after I go to the bathroom!"

"RrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Creature Kid said. He coughed."Sorry, sore throat. Ahem. I WILL KILL YOU SLODE!"

"Hunnybunch, would you mind killing this annoying green interloper?" Slode said, nuzzling Dirt's nose.

"Sure thing Slodeybear," Dirt beamed. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and used her powers to attack Creature Kid with mass amounts of perfume. Creature Kid coughed, and was suddenly hit with rouge, making him bright red. Dirt laughed preppily and assaulted him with a beefsteak, but Creature Kid evaded.

Dirt stared at him with contempt. "Fine then. You, like, leave me with no choice!"

Creature Kid's eyes widened in horror. "No...don't..."

Dirt started talking. "So I was walking through the mall one day and I saw the cutest little blouse for sale and it was, like, $50.00 and I was like '$50.00? Like, what a ripoff!' and so I like, complained to the store manager and he like threw me out so I like, went to this other store and there was the same little blouse and I was like 'Omigod I have to have that omigod!' so I stole it and ran away and so I, like, came back the next day and I was walking through the makeup isle of Bulls-Eye, and I saw all these different kinds of eyeshadow and none of them really brought out my eyes so I looked down the makeup isle and I saw this peach lipstick and I was like 'Omigod that is soooooooo good for my lips omigod' and so I got the lipstick and ran off and I like went home and started putting it on when I noticed a zit on my lip and I'm like 'Omigod a zit omigod!' so I got some coverup and I put it on and it, like, worked soooooooo well and like, nobody noticed the zit and I like went back to the Stupid Spoiled Whore shop and saw this cute little sweater that had 'Little Slut' studded on it with rhinestones and I was like 'Omigod that would look so good on me omigod' so I called up my friend Kristi and I was like 'Omigod Kristi you won't believe what they have for sale here omigod' and she was like 'what what' and I was like 'they have this little sweater' and I took a picture of it and sent it to her and she was like 'Omigod that would look so good on you omigod' and I'm like 'yeah I know but it's too expensive' so I stole it and put it on back at my house but it was like, tooooooooo big so I had to sneak it back in but I got caught by the guards and then I, like had to use my mom's advice so I pulled off my shirt and started to--"

"Good God, SHUT UP WOMAN!" Creature Kid shouted. His leg suddenly got caught in a plothole and he couldn't get out. Dirt walked up to him snarkily.

"Now, finish him snookums," Slode purred, "and we can go and get married and be together forever."

"STOP!" a Puerto-Rican voice shouted. The Pre Teen Titans rushed in.

"Dirt, let us go the the grouping of shops and purchase lots of tampons and lipstick!" Sunburn shouted.

"Yeah Dirt, you may have betrayed us and tried to kill us, but we still love you!" Crow cried.

"Return to us friend, or I will blow you," enthused Blowbot. Okay, maybe 'enthused' is a bit too much...

"You have to make a descision, Dirt," Creature Kid said sadly. "Be with him...or me..."

Dirt's eyes watered. "Creature Kid...I...I..."

"What are you waiting for?" Slode said impatiently. "Just ki--" Just then, the Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil appeared in Slode's chest. His body fell to the ground, and Robin pulled the bloodied sword out. "Titans, GO!" he cried, proving he is a control freak.

"Like, NO! SLODE! MY LOVER!" Dirt said, bawling her eyes out.

Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire came running (or flying) out of nowhere. "Hang on Raven, we're coming!" Beast Boy shouted.

"Raven? What--" Creature Kid stopped talking. Beast Boy stopped running.

They stared at each other. "Dude," they said in unison. "You look just like me!"

Dun. Dun. DUN!


	11. The Envelope is Pushed part 1

RR76: Sorry to everyone who went back to school this week. I know I didn't. I start in September. Ha.

* * *

Also, with this chapter, and the subsequent reviews that follow, Pre Teen Titans GO! will pass Carson as my most reviewed story. Yeay. 

The two green shapeshifters stared at each other "Dude, who are you?" asked Beast Boy. "You look just like me...only short. Er."

"I'm Nermil," Creature Kid said, extending his hand. "Nermal Logan. But you can call me--"

"Wait--Logan? That's my last name!" Beast Boy said with a grin. "Garfield Logan!"

"Whoa," said Creature Kid, scratching his head. "You think we're--"

"Brothers?" Beast Boy asked hopefully.

The two stared some more, then collectively said "Nah!" and ran off.

Dirt suddenly stepped in front of them. "Um, like, I'm sorry to interrupt this, but like, my fiancé is like, dead, and it's like, ALL YOUR FAULT! DAMN YOU CREATURE KID!"

"Hey, it wasn't me!" Creature Kid shouted frantically. "It was the closet homo in the tights!"

"Who, Bluejay?" asked Crow.

"No, the other one!"

"Oh! You mean Robin!" Beast Boy laughed. "He isn't gay. He and Starfire do some, er, 'heavy petting' just about every night. Problem is Robin won't glonko Starfire's zonsphar, so they're kinda in a rut."

"Oh my God..." Creature Kid gasped. "Man, he won't--he won't glonko her zonsphar?" Beast Boy shook his head and Starfire hit him. "You are not to reveal Robin's apathy towards my zonsphar!" she yelled.

"Um, guys?" Cyborg interrupted. "We're kinda here for a reason, and it isn't to talk about Starfire's zonsphar." Starfire hit him.

"He's right," Robin said, blushing. "We're here to find Raven, not talk about Starfire's bizarre Tamaranian foreplay."

"How dare you!" Starfire snapped. "Zonsphar glonkoing is an accepted and deeply enjoyable part of the Tamaranian mating ritual!"

"Starfire, for the last time, I will NOT PICK YOUR NOSE!" Robin roared. Everyone was silent.

Starfire sniffed. "But--but Robin," she sobbed, "On my world, there is no greater expression of love and devotion than the glonkoing of one's zonsphar. Do you not love me?"

Robin gaped. "Starfire...of course I do..."

"Then glonko my zonsphar. Right here," Starfire demanded.

"What?" Robin asked in shock. "Starfire, but--I--they--ugh..." he shuddered. Robin closed his eyes and shoved his finger up Starfire's left nostril.

Everyone "ewed" in unison. "Get a room you two!" Cyborg shouted in disgust. Starfire sighed contentedly and Robin withdrew his finger.

"Thank you Robin," said Starfire warmly. "Now let us find friend Raven so that Beast Boy may glonko her zonsphar long into the night!" The Titans flew off, leaving a very disturbed group of pre-teens behind.

"Wait!" Dirt cried. "Like, what about my Slodeybear?"

Blowbot blew her. "I have blown our opposition," Blowbot stated. "Our objective is now complete. Now, may I inquire as to the whereabouts of teammate Creature Kid?"

Everyone looked around. "The disturbing robot is correct!" Sunburn gasped. "Our useless diarrhea colored teammate is nowhere in sight!"

"It was obviously Novicorp!" Fingal shouted. "Quickly, insert your minds into the bodies of random animals and get wasted!"

Everyone stared at him. "Can we have a new leader?" asked Crow.

* * *

"Okay guys," Robin said, "split up and search. We aren't leaving without Raven!" He brandished his Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil and ran down the hallway shouting "Titans, GO!" at the top of his lungs. 

The Titans--and Creature Kid--shrugged and ran off in separate directions. Beast Boy opened his door and saw a feast fit for a king. That is...the king of HELL! Scattered everywhere were bodies of dead people.

Carson stepped inside the room, his eyes jet black. "What are you doing in my dressing room?" he snarled in a demonic voice. Beast Boy blanched.

* * *

Cyborg stepped inside a room. "Welcome!" a weird voice shouted out of nowhere. "You've reached the Author's Feminine Side!" 

A very very old woman in fishnets and a tank top--picture that, I _dare_ you--stood in the back of the room smoking a cigarette and hacking up phlegm. "The author isn't so feminine, I guess," Cyborg said with a shrug.

* * *

Starfire opened a door and Beast Boy ran out. "Geez, thanks Starfire, I thought I'd be in that closet forever, and Bob, MAN he won't shut up!" He looked around. "Hey, this isn't the set for 7 Minutes in Heaven Minus the Heaven! Where am I? 

Starfire gave him a weird look.

* * *

Robin entered a room. Suddenly, a voice shouted "Welcome to the Fireworks room!" A bunch of fireworks suddenly went off. 

Robin stared, hypnotized. Then he started shouting. "YEAH! ALL RIGHT! FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! ROCK ON FIREWORKS! ALL RIGHT! FIIIIIIIREWOOOOOOOOORKS!"

(Screwy, ain't it?)

* * *

Creature Kid flung open the door to hear the sounds of a girl screaming "Stop it, stop it, I can't take anymore!" "Raven?" he asked nervously. He walked in and the sounds got ever louder. Finally, he reached the source--a dark room. He flipped on a light switch and saw what was causing the screaming: Raven. Chained down. At a table. With a bib. And a fork in her hand. And several dirty plates in front of her. 

"Stop, please, it's delicious, but I can't eat another bite!" she moaned.

"Oh come on, just one more dish?" a familiar voice said. Carson came out of a kitchen with an ice cream sundae in his hands. "I hope you saved some room Raven."

"Well...all right," Raven said, grabbing a spoon. Creature Kid cleared his throat and both of the teens looked over at him. A huge smile grew on the empath's face. "CREATURE KID!" she shouted, breaking free of her chains and glomping the hapless preteen. "I missed you so much!"

Carson stepped up next to him. "Hey kid, how's life treating you?" he asked with a smile.

"Raven, what's going on? Why were you chained to a table and not being tortured by an evil teenage assassin?" Creature Kid asked in confusion.

"It turns out that Carson is a master chef," Raven explained. "He's treated me like a queen here. And he makes a delicious bowl of Minestrone!" She smiled seductively. "That's enough talk, don't you think?" Raven locked their lips and pulled him onto the couch, where they made out. Carson turned away in disgust.

Suddenly, the door opened again and Beast Boy came through. "Raven, we're here! We're gonna get you--" he stopped and stared at the short green shapeshifter who was on top of his girlfriend on the couch. Beast Boy's face contorted in fury. "What...What the SAMUEL LANGHORN HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" he roared.

The black-eyed demonic Carson look-alike came in behind him. "Hey Source of all Evil," Carson said with a wave.

"Hey mortal vessel," S.O.A.E. replied. He looked at Raven and Creature Kid. "Wow, this is awkward."

"Beast Boy--um...this isn't what it looks like!" Raven said in desperation.

"Really? So then why is there a shorter version of ME LYING ON TOP OF YOU AND FONDLING YOU IN WAYS THAT ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO FONDLE YOU?"

"Um...whatever do you mean?" Raven asked with a shaky smile.

Suddenly, a huge voice boomed over them all. "I...HAVE...INTERFACE!" Suddenly, Fingal appeared, 50 feet tall and glowing orange.

The five people stared up at the giant Spanish Puerto-Rican data processor third class from the crappy TV movie Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, which I do not own. Carson voiced their collective thoughts. "Oh...sh--"

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

* * *

RR76: Review. 


	12. Pre Teen Titans Southeast, GO!

RR76: Aha HA! I have decided to give you a nice bit o'cliffie! This chapter has nothing to do with the previous one. No, this chapter has to do with the Pre Teen Titans Southeast. I'm skipping season three, you see. I couldn't figure out how to make Blowbot funny...er. As in...coherent. And I hate the W.E.L.T. Trio. Anyway, read my story!

* * *

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...well, in a city on the other side of the country anyway...and not too long ago, come to think of it...anyway, there was a man. Named Honkey-Tonk. Honkey-Tonk was robbing a bank. A blood bank. See, Honkey-Tonk was a struggling painter. But he didn't like paint. No sir, he painted with whatever he could find. Blood for red, Windex for blue, grass stains for green, and...well, you don't want to know what he used for brown and yellow. Ahem. 

So anyway, Honkey-Tonk was a-robbin' away, when he was suddenly attacked. By...the Pre Teen Titans East! Five superheroes--Quickly, the guy with the enchanted slingshot of doom! Waterdude, the, um...the guy who...does something...with water. Mehr und Kleiner, the superfast twins from Austria! And their leader, the mighty insectish girl, the great and powerful...Horsefly!

"Pre Teen Titans, GO!" Horsefly shouted. Quickly grabbed his slingshot and opened fire on Honkey-Tonk, hitting him with several small rocks! Waterdude...um...sprayed water all over Honkey-Tonk, making him...WET. Mehr und Kleiner ran...really...really...fast...not sure how that helps, but eh. And Horsefly flew onto Honkey-Tonk, spat digestive juices all over him, and proceeded to suck up the gooey mess that was Honkey-Tonk. When all was said and done, Honkey-Tonk was...DEAD!

"Great job gang!" Horsefly said happily. "We've made Iron town much safer by getting rid of that oddly named villian!" She stooped over to Mehr und Kleiner. "Buen trabajo petits enfants! Vous vraiment Veio completamente com la vostra alimentazione commovente veloce!"

"Dude, we speak English," Mehr said.

"Besides, that wasn't even German! That was Spanish, French, Portugese and Italian!" Kleiner complained.

"Awww, J'aime usted individuos как puteus!" Horsefly cooed, hugging the twins.

"Ein was für bimbo," Kleiner muttered to Mehr.

"Sie sagten es," Mehr agreed.

"Aww, they love me too! You hear that guys?" Horsefly asked her friends.

"What would we do without them?" Waterdude said with a smile.

Kleiner stepped towards the effeminate water-using guy, but Mehr stopped him. "Stock zum Plan. Wir töten sie in ihrem Schlaf," he told his brother. Kleiner grinned evily.

Back at the Presoutheast tower, the Pre Teen Titans Southeast were relaxing when an alarm rang. Horsefly rushed to the computor and pushed the "Oh Shit" button. "Oh no," she whispered.

"What is it?" Kleiner asked.

Everyone awwed. "Look, Kleiner's trying to speak English!" cooed Quickly

"...Jackasses..." Kleiner muttered.

"It's the evil former head of the W.E.L.T. Academy...Praveen!"

Everyone gasped. "Not Praveen!" they moaned.

"Yes, and he's brought his top students...Willy Lotuvus, Seejustabouteverything, Lieutenant Welt, and of course...LARSON!"

"NOT LARSON!" they screetched.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Almighty Author was laughing at his work when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Carson and Pavayne standing behind him. "Oh, hi guys," the Almighty Author greeted. 

"You. Son. Of. A. Bitch," Pavayne said slowly.

"You can't parody us!" Carson snapped. "We're two of the main charecters in your most popular story/series!"

"...So?" the Almighty Author asked impatiently.

"So stop parodying us or we'll murder you!" Pavayne threatened, pulling out a demon-summoning book.

The Almighty Author chuckled. "Whatever," he said. He turned back to his work when he felt someone pull him out of his chair and hurl him across the room. He looked up to see one of his many failed creations, Miluda, staring at him with rage.

"You little prick, you are NOT going to butcher their charecters! You pulled my story, and so I have now dedicated myself to protecting your OCs. So either you stop parodying them, or I will--" she exploded.

"I was wondering what happened to her..." the Almighty Author muttered. He got back in his chair and went back to typing, ignoring Carson and Pavayne as they cussed him out, insulting his lineage.

* * *

Praveen and his students laughed merrily as they caused wanton destruction, raping and pillaging wherever they went. And suddenly, they burst into song. 

**P: Ohhhh...  
S: (one note higher) Ohhhh...  
L: (one note higher) Ohhhh...  
W: (highest) Ohhhh...  
P: Oh, I'm evil, I'm wacky!  
S: He's positively daffy!  
L: He kills and maims, he don't play games!  
W: (as Adam West) I really love my taffy!  
P: They said I was too crazy  
/Too violent and too lazy  
To bring the whole wide world/  
To it's knees! And ya know what kids...?**

**All: THEY WERE WRONG!**

**P: I'm naughty, I'm rotten!  
S: Thus far ol' P has gotten!  
L: Away with crimes (insert a rhyme)  
W: Killing and maiming the downtrodden!  
L: We all are truly evil!  
/Our last names aren't Kineval!  
/My God this song is really really gay! And why is it so gay...?**

**All: IT JUST IS!**

**S: You know Fmr. Headmaster,  
/We really should consider,  
/Ending this crappy song before it...um...line?**

Just then, a slingshot rock thingy smacked into Seejustabouteverything's head and he DIED. Out burst the Pre Teen Titans Southeast, and the WENT! Oh, yes, the did indeed WENT!

Larson pulled out a chainsaw. "Konoeewa!" he shouted, charging.

Just then, a bright light filled the sky and...out of nowhere came...WHITEBROW! Whitebrow, the mighty Current Head of W.E.L.T. Academy!

He grabbed Willy Lotuvus. "Heyyou!" he shouted. "Isn'tmykungfuthebestintheworld?"

"Um, huh?" Willy asked dumbly.

"Justanswerthequestion! Isn'tmykungfuthebestintheworld?"

"No! Your kung-fu stinks!" Willy shouted. He suddenly died.

Whitebrow ran over to Praveen. "Youthinkyourkungfuisbetterthanmine?"

"Iknowmykungfuisbetterthanyours!" Praveen replied. They kung-fu fought, and the Pre Teen Titans just kinda...backed off.

Larson just kinda stood there. Suddenly, a bullet went straight through his head. Praveen and Whitebrow looked up to see Carson and Pavayne standing about...I'd say...a yard and a half away maybe? How about you? No really, what do you, the reader at home, think? You won't tell me? Fine! DIE!

So the Pre Teen Titans Southeast returned home. It had been a long day as crimefighters, so they decided to turn in for the night. They went to their respective rooms, changed clothes and went to bed.

As Horsefly slept, however, her door creaked open ever so slightly. Two short German twins carrying murder weapons and explosives crept inside. "Nighty night Horesy..." Kleiner muttered evily.

"'Nighty Night Horsey?' My God, Kleiner, what the hell are you on?"

"What? That didn't sound evil to you?" Kleiner asked his brother.

"Well...no! It just sounded really dumb! I'd have said something like "Dumb bimbo, this is for all the crap you put us through!"

"Yeah, but that's too long! 'Nighty night Horsey' sounds so much better than that!"

"Oh come on, that was dumb and you KNOW it!"

"Dammit, why do you always disagree with me! This is just like that time at summer camp..."

"Oh, don't you bring that up again!"

Horsefly yawned. "What's going on in here?" she asked.

Mehr und Kleiner froze. "Oh Scheiße," they said in unison.

* * *

RR76: And that's the end of the chapter. Review! 

**  
**


	13. The Author is Stalling, part 1

RR76: Ascension is on hiatus. There, I said it. Until I can get over this crappy writers block. Sorry everyone.

Now then. This is the second of three chapters featuring the Pre Teen Titans Southeast. Then we jump to season 4 of Pre Teen Titans. Now. Get on with it.

* * *

Oh snap! 

When last we left our heroes, an evil demon called the Monster had arisen in the very alley where Mehr was born to a deranged hooker named Cheryl. The Monster ran off to kill a bunch of people and arrange their bodies in a giant square. Horsefly, Kleiner, Waterdude and Quickly ran to the rescue, but alas, their efforts were in vain.

Waterdude rushed at the Monster, weilding his axe made from a hubcap. The Monster grabbed the axe, bent it, and hurled Waterdude into a pile of tables. Quickly fired off his crossbow--he has a crossbow now, deal with it--but it was ineffective against the Monster. The Monster grabbed a table and threw it at Quickly, making him go POOF on the ground. POOF I say.

Kleiner brought out his twin pistols and shot the Monster. The shots ricoched off his cement hide. Kleiner fired again and again and again, then dropped the pistols and pulled out his shotgun. He fired. BOOM! The shot hit the Monster smack in the chest. Then another, and another. The Monster was on the ropes, being pushed back by Kleiner's shotgun. Finally, the Monster stepped forward, grabbed Kleiner, and hurled him next to Waterdude and Quickly.

Horsefly rushed forward, punching the Monster in various places, beating him down. Finally, the Monster was on his knees. Horsefly brought out her stake and thrust it forward into the Monster's eye...only to have it grabbed and shoved through her neck. The Monster brought it's face next to Horsefly's and whispered "Do you really think she is safe with him?" He released the insecty girl and punched the square of dead people. A pillar of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL fire shot into the air, and fire rained down from the sky.

Meanwhile, in a warehouse deep in the city, Mehr watched with his dear friend, Cornelia. Suddenly, Cornelia kissed Mehr. "What was that for?" Mehr asked.

"Mehr...you never had a childhood...friends...or anything that's real..." Cornelia whispered. "And if this is really the end...I want you to have something that is..." She kissed him again and they fell back onto the bed and proceeded to make loud obnoxious naked sweaty love...sorry if that was too graphic.

And up on the rooftops peeping in on the show inside, shaking with horrible jealous rage...was Angel. Wait--Angel? The Author magicked away Angel and replaced him with Horsefly.

* * *

They tried repeatedly, but the Monster was too strong for any of them. Finally, it was revealed...the Monster had known Horsefly's soulless alter-ego...Imgelus. And so they did. Remove Horsefly's soul. But Imgelus broke out and escaped. That's redundant. 

Anyway, this is the continuation...and for the record, none of that stuff happened in the last chapter.

The prisony door opened and out walked Gottahave Hott, the sexy demon slayer. But she had been imprisoned for killing people. Boo! But she's good now. Yay! She sat down and was surprised at who she saw. It was Kleiner.

"I'm here to bust you out Gottahave," Kleiner told her. "We need your help. Imgelus has returned and there's an evil monster killing everyone."

"Awwwwwww..." Gottahave cooed. "Hewo Kweiner. How are you? How are your English lessons going?"

Kleiner sighed. "If I wasn't desperate, and if you weren't the hottest woman on the planet, I wouldn't be here." He pulled out his uzis like odd and shot to them sunnovas head holding in gottahave, now all is good. Number of people who get that joke: Two. "Let's get a move on Gottahave."

* * *

Gottahave and Kleiner exited the car and walked into the Tower. "Gentlemen, this is Gottahave Hott, the hottest woman on the planet. She also kills things." 

"Oooooooooooooh...hot..." everyone said in awe.

"'Sup guys," Gottahave said. "Now where's the Monster?"

"Why, he's downtown killing everything and everyone in sight," answered Waterdude, taking another sip of his soda.

"Yeah, he's already taken out half the city," Quickly said nonchalontly, turning the page in his magazine.

"...And you guys aren't helping to stop it...why?" Gottahave asked impatiently.

The two "superheroes" stared blankly. "...Help? What is 'help?'" they asked in unison.

Gottahave sighed in frustration. "God, you people are all idiots!"

"Try living with them," Kleiner said with a grin.

Gottahave hugged him. "It's so cuuuuuuuuuuuute that you think you can speak other languages..."

Kleiner sighed contentedly. "Normally I'd be eviscerating you...but I'll make an exception here."

* * *

Gottahave and Kleiner walked into the warehouse. Suddenly, the Monster appeared, along with two posessed matresses (matressi?) and attacked. Kleiner used his kung-fu, which is the best in the world, on the matressi, and Gottahave attacked the Monster. Unbeknowst to them all (hee! Unbeknowst!) Imgelus was watching in the rafters and smirking alot. Gottahave punched the Monster. The Monster punched back. They punched each other. Finally, the Monster used an Extra-Special Kung-Fu with Extra Salami punch, knocking Gottahave to her knees. Suddenly, Imgelus jumped from the rafters and killed the Monster with an Extra Special September and Lettuce Kick of Bunnies. 

"Wow, that rocked," Imgelus said. "By the way, I'm really evil and want to rape, torture and kill you. Wait--" she paused. "...Nope. Nothing at all wrong with what I just said. Anyway..." Imgelus walked towards Gottahave. But LO!

"You can't stop me Imgelus," Gottahave said. "I know your one true weakness!"

Imgelus's eyes bulged in fear. "No!" she yelled.

"Yes!" Gottahave cried. She pulled out a...roll of yellow tape! "You are afraid of yellow tape!"

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo!" Imgelus cried. She crumpled into a heap of coma-y goodness.

Kleiner ran to Gottahave. "Gottahave, hold still! I'll try and stop the bleeding with my kung-fu!"

Gottahave kissed Kleiner on the forehead. "Awww...you're still trying to be a big boy..." she whispered. With that, she fell into a coma.

Kleiner rolled his eyes. "Dumb bitch," he muttered. He suddenly realized he was...all alone...with the hottest woman on Earth...who was unconcious...he grinned evily. He would take off her pants and...replace them with a tutu and take pictures and sell them on the Internet! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem. Once he was done with that, he took Gottahave and Imgelus back to the tower, using his mastery of kung-fu. They lay down on the couch, being unconcious and all.

"All we can do now is pray," Quickly said quietly.

"No," a monotone voice said. "All you can do now is not be blown."

All eyes turned to the door, where lo and behold...Blowbot stood!

And Mehr was nowhere to be seen...

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter. This was based on the fourth season of Angel. So yeah. Gottahave's name comes from the song "Gotta Have Faith," not to be confused with "Keep the Faith" by Bon Jovie, so called because the charecter she parodies was named Faith. Her last name comes from the fact that Eliza Dushku, the woman who played Faith on Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is very very very hot. Imgelus comes from Angelus, a vampire. Now review my story. 


	14. Ominous prophecies of DOOM!

RR76: I've neglected this story for far too long. Behold--it's back, bitches. Chapter--what is it, 13? Huh. Well, one of those teen numbers.

Anyway.

Nobody's gonna read this, 'cuz of how long I took updating, I'll bet...but for the hell of it, I'll write anyway.

* * *

As the Pre-Teen Titans Southeast took on Imgelus and The Monster, the original, non-poser Pre Teen Titans were at a random oil rig in the bay. Y'know, the one next to the huge canyon, which is a ten-minute hike from the sylvan glade. Look it up, bitches. 

Anyway, Professor Power was standing in the center of the oil rig, laughing maniacally. "Muahahahahaha! I, Professor Power, the greatest supervillian in Pre Teen Titans history, will suck the power from this rig, and use it to power my...um, profession!" He continued his maniacal laughter, when suddenly a Jayarang came flying out of nowhere, cutting off his arm.

Professor Power cried like the pussy he is. "WAAAAHHHH!" he wailed. "MY ARM! MY AAAAAAAAAAAAAARM!"

"Oh, deal with it, puthy," a lispy voice taunted. "You thure thuck thomething all right, and it'th not power."

"What, pray tell, would this mystery substance be?" a ditzy voice asked ditzilly. "Uranium? Potassium? Lasagna, perhaps?"

The lispy voice sighed. "With people like you around, no wonder I turned gay..."

Professor Power shrieked. "NOOOO! THE VOICES IN MY HEAD! I thought I got rid of them in therapy!"

"Homo-sapian villian, I demand that you relinquish your position as a pussy, lest I be forced to blow you," a robotic voice droned.

Just then, a plothole opened up and a golden-colored robot with a bowling pin for a mouth stepped out, brandishing a handgun. He pressed the barrel to Professor Power's chest and pulled the trigger, blowing his lungs out. "I sometimes ask myself: 'Why do I wake up in the morning when all I get for company is a gay thumb, a preteen alien ditz, a homoerotic robot and the most useless shapeshifter ever?'"

Lispy Voice cheered. "Good job Crow! Now we can go to the ith cream thtore and pig out on cookieth n' cream!"

A random, slightly scratchy voice sighed. "I'm sure there's a kind of cream you're gonna be pigging out on tonight, and it sure as hell doesn't involve cookies..."

"Why do you lash out like that?" asked Ditzy Voice. Scratchy Voice sniffled and started to cry, sobbing "Dirt," and "Raven," and "sexual positions that I didn't even know existed," randomly.

Crow sighed--marking the third time this chapter that someone has sighed. "You all suck so much, the author refuses to say your names. God, I hate you all. Excuse me while I go home and mope." And so he moped.

"Wait--how come HE gets a moped and I don't?" Scratchy Voice whined.

The Almighty Author sighed. "Not mo-PED you idiot, it's--fuck it, next scene!"

And so the camera panned downward, using a special "see through solid rock" lens...down to a mysterious cavern...of mystery...where somewhere, somehow, something happened...something...plot convenient...

_"Statement: This model is ready to serve...master."_

* * *

The next day, Crow T. Robot, TV's wisecracking 'bot of MST3K fame, was relaxing in his room, watching the latest episode of Code: Lyoko. 

"Gasp!" Jeremy shouted. "Something terrible is happening!

"What is it, what's wrong?" the others said in unison.

"Xana has concocted an evil plan to separate us all, that he might pick us off one by one!"

"Oh no, not again!" the moaned in unison.

"Luckily, Xana forgot about the power of friendship!" exclaimed Yumi, the girl who is proof that there is an F-cup. "To the scanners!"

"Transfer ULRICH!" Jeremy squealed. "Transfer YUMI! Transfer QUEER! Uh, ODD!"

"By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!" Crow said mockingly, rolling his eyes and switching off the TV. Just then, a Plot Convenient Sound(tm) sounded outside.

"Who's there?" Crow asked--and there was no answer. He grabbed his mirth mortar and crept out the door, looking for the intruder. He crept down hallways and corridors a-plenty, until he came to...the living room. GASP! How dastardly! He raised his mirth-mortar, and...

"SURPRISE!"

Crow fell backward, dropping his mirth-mortar, which misfired and hit Creature Kid in the face with a barrage of feather shrapnel, causing said pre-teen to collapse in a fit of laughter. "What the hell is going on?" Crow asked, reasonably pissed.

The Pre-Teen Titans stopped, looked at each other, and shrugged. "We jutht wanted to pith you off," Bluejay said. "Did it work?"

Crow looked at them angrily, then turned and shuffled out of the room. As he went down the hall, he was stopped by some dude in his way. "Who the hell are you?" he asked, still reasonably pissed.

"Who am I? Who am I?" his stop-ing person replied. "I am nothing."

Crow stared at him, a blank look on his face. "...Come again?"

"I am nothing. I am dead, yet still I walk. I am but a spirit, yet I have flesh. I do not exist, and yet I do," he said cryptically.

Crow turned his head. "BLUEJAY! There's another stoner-hobo in the tower!" Crow turned back to the stoner-hobo, prepared to berate his ass off, but alas--said stoner hobo was gone. Crow blinked. "Double-you-tee-ef?"

Just then, SaintH's lawyers sued the Almighty Author for stealing that-which-appears-in-all-his-chapters. Almighty Author countered that it was a widely spread internet thing, and that nobody had claim over it. He then shot the bitch-ass lawyers, and everyone was happy.

Except Crow--nobody believed him because the Stoner-Hobo was gone. And then the 'Oh Shit' alarm rang.

* * *

The Pre-Teen Titans burst into a warehouse. "Where is the villian ever-which we are forced to blow?" asked Blowbot. "Prime Bastard Tony-Scair? Murderous Knat? Slode, perhaps?" 

"Interjection: Negative, fellow machine. All these villians are either A) Made up on the spot, or B) Dead," a mechanical voice said.

Bluejay leaped forward. "Whoever you are, come out with your handth behind you back, a ball-gag in your mouth, and three bottles of Dove lotion on your perthon!"

A lllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeer struck the spot inches away from where Bluejay was standing. "Rejection: I must decline your request, oh pathetic thumb of a meatbag."

Crow's eyes widened. "Oh...fuck."

Out of some Random Atmospheric Mist(tm) stepped a rust-red robotic android-thingy, with a head shaped like a skull, and two blood-red eye receptor thingies. "Oh...yesss..." He raised his left arm and unleashed flame-throwery goodness at the Pre-Teen Titans. They dodged, and R-R RAT raised his right hand, which clutched a llllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeer pistol thingy, and opened fire on the Pre-Teen Titans...who, conveniently, dodged that too. And so, they fought, in a kick-ass, action packed battle that I'm too lazy to type out.

Crow sat back watching the whole thing from afar, as he had no powers or weapons of any kind, and watched the four Pre Teen Titans fight R-R RAT. "Aw, hell, this means there's gonna be an apocalypse, dun' it?" he asked.

"Why yes," said a Random Plot-Convenient Voice(tm). "Yes it does." Crow turned around to see...

"Hey, you're the stoner-hobo from the hallway scene!" he yelled. "What gives?"

"I am no stoner-hobo, gold-colored machine. I am..." he SWOOSHED a red cape, revealing a crappy-looking piece of armor with wide-ass shoulder pads covering his torso. "THE PLOT-CONVENIENT KNIGHT(tm)!"

Crow stared. "THIS is the Robin of this parody?"

"Fuck off 'bot, I commanded legions of M-16 toting badasses in an alternate dimension, and I got more weapons than y'all do, so you're at my mercy. Now run along."

Crow did as he was told, with Plot-Convenient Knight in tow, but they were soon followed by R-R RAT, who jumped into a plothole and appeared in Crow and Plot-Convenient Knight's path. He walked forward menacingly. "Statement: I congratulate you, Mister Crow. You got rather far--farther than most victims of mine do--but this is where it ends. Such a pity--spend four years with nobody but meatbags as company and this is what you get..."

Plot-Convenient Knight drew a random sword that hung at his side. "Back, yonder robot, lest I slice n'dice you into tiny, bite-sized portions!"

"Retort: Shut up you self-obsessed meatbag warrior. If you were truly as strong as you say you are your story would have gotten more than 8 reviews!"

Plot-Convenient Knight's eyes started to water. "B-but...I...I..." He roared with fury and charged R-R RAT, only to have a hole burned through his chest from R-R RAT's concealed pistol thingy. Plot-Convenient Knight fell to the ground with a thud.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My worthless companion that I knew for all of five minutes! Who are you, you murderous robot?" Crow demanded.

"Identification: I am HK-47, and while it is a shame to terminate a fellow machine, I must now deactivate you...permanently."

Just then, Crow grabbed a plothole (never a shortage of those, are there?) opened it up, grabbed Plot-Convenient Knight, and jumped inside, landing in the middle of a church. He stared at the body of Plot-Convenient Knight...until he heard footsteps behind him. "I am SO much more badass than him..." the voice sighed.

Crow turned around to see Carson standing behind him. "What? YOU'RE the new Robin of this parody?"

Carson gave a quick wave. "Yo."

Crow shook his head. "Fuck it; I'll take what I can get. There's a homicidal robot outside. I want you to kill him."

"Can do!" Carson said, grabbing his revolver and running out the door.

3.5 seconds later...

HK-47 burst in, dragging Carson's burnt, bloodied corpse behind him. "Mocking statement: I do believe I broke the poor meatbag..."

Crow tried to run out the front door, but alas, this was the result of a blonde moment, as HK-47 shot him nonfat ally and dragged him to the top of the Seattle Space Needle. "Job Description: I am now to provide you with a Story-Arc-Related-Vision program(tm). Hold still please. You may notice a slight burning sensation--that's only until the searing pain kicks in." He slid a disk into Crow's head...and Crow had a vision of bad stuff happening, and all the Pre-Teen Titans being statues.

Then, the camera panned upward, and he saw...he saw...

(SCENE MISSING)

Crow fell unconscious. HK-47 picked Crow up and held him over the edge of the Needle. "Foreshadowing statement: We'll be in touch." And so, Crow did fall...straight into a plothole, back to Pre-Teen Titans Tower, where he was surrounded by the other Pre-Teen Titans.

"Is everyone all right?" asked Crow.

"All right? ALL RIGHT?" Creature Kid exploded. "You run off and leave us to fight a killer robot, and then you have the testicular fortitude to ask us if we're ALL RIGHT?"

"Um...yeah."

Creature Kid got a blank look on his face. "Oh. Just checking. Can I borrow that mirth-mortar thing again?"

"Knock yerself out."

"Thanks." BOOM. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! TEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in a Mysterious Cavern of Doom...

* * *

"Report: The message has been delivered, Master. The golden robot knows his fate. The prophecy shall be fulfilled." 

"And this 13-chapter-and-counting parody fic will soon come to an end..."

"Clay? Clay? Have you seen my copy of Apocalypse: Now? Did you lend it to the Thomsons again?"

"Not now Frank, I'm delivering an ominous message of foreshadowing and doom!"

"Oh...well, when you're done then."

"Yeah, sure...ahem..."

HK-47 stared.

"...My lab assistant."

"Skeptical agreement: Of course, Master."

"Yeah, well...push the button, would you Frank?"

"Sure Clay! After that can we go buy some candy-corn?"

"Push the damn button, and then we'll talk."

_And so the button was pushed, and the chapter ended, as did our story...for now...muahahahahahaha!_

RR76: Again, I'm sorry for ignoring this for so long. You can review it now. Please.


	15. TRUCK

**RR76: **Well, I'm back. I've kept you all good and waiting, and so now I unveil my next chapter. After a long time in preperation, here comes Chapter...13? 14? ...15! Of Pre Teen Titans, GO! Chapter 15 is called "TRUCK," and does indeed parody "TROQ." So...enjoy.

NOTE: The following characters are owned by the following people/corperations:

Crow T. Robot and "the Mads.": Best Brains, inc.

Bluejay Thumkin: Steve Odekirk

HK-47: LucasArts, ltd

The Three Surprise Characters: Matt Groening

Now read. Or suffer the Dire Consequences of Pain and Emossity (tm)

* * *

**Emosity: (def) The quantities of one's emo, the status of being a whiny, self-centered little bitch.**

* * *

Somewhere in the vast vastness of the universe, sailed a large, tortellini-shaped spaceship. The ship was the flagship of the Democratic Order of Planets, or "DOoP," the _Nimbus. _

Aboard this fair vessel stood the greatest hero of DOoP: Captain Zap Brannigan, and his loyal first officer, First Mate Kif.

"Ahh, Kif," Zap breathed. "Is this not a glorious day to be afloat in the great empty fishless ocean of the universe?"

"You just sent 60,000 men on a suicidal charge onto an alien compound, sir," Kif said in his usual monotone. "I hardly believe this day is glorious."

"Maybe not for them," Zap continued, "but for us, it is, I say." Kif groaned.

Suddenly, the Alarm of Impending Doom and Mayhem sounded. "Sir, it appears more enemy vessles followed us from Crispixia," Kif informed Zap.

"Ahh, Crispixia...where have I heard that name before?"

"It's the name of the planet you just failed to conquer."

"No, no, foolish boy, I think it's the name of the planet I just tried to conquer."

"That's what I just--"

"No matter! Launch all secondary ships, and send them straight at the heart of the attack force!"

Kif tapped a button. "All of our secondary ships were destroyed in the first battle of Crispixia."

"Destroyed? Why was I not informed?" Zap demanded.

"You were the one who gave the order to--hell, forget it." Kif sighed.

"Kif, your incompitence astounds me at times. Very well! Set a course for that particular planet, over there."

Kif stared at Zap in shock. "But sir, that's--"

"Do as you're told, or so help me, I will snap you back down to lieutenant so fast it'll make your air bladders deflate and reinflate sixteen seperate times in the span of eight seconds!"

* * *

Meanwhile, on that very planet...

* * *

"Okay Sunburn, I got the royal flush," Crow gloated, "let's see your pair." 

Sunburn, clearly uncomfortable in her red skirt and white bra, slid one strap off her top, but before she could satisfy the hormones of the pre-teen shapeshifter and the movie-lampooning robot, a tremendous, onomotopiatic sound that would make Saint H blush sounded overhead.

"Oh no! It's the Underpants Knomes!" Creature Kid shrieked. "Run Garfield, run!"

Blowbot slapped him. "Be silent, overly-sexual pre-adolescent. It is merely the sound of several extra-terrestrial spacecraft flying overhead at appx. 200 miles per hour."

"Oh."

The others were silent, then shrugged and went back to watching Sunburn strip.

* * *

"Armor down to 15 percent sir. We won't survive another hit like that." 

"Hmm...Kif, this battle is just like a game of Chinese checkers."

"Sir, I hardly think this is the time for--"

"Not now Kif! Luncheon can wait!"

"Mmmmfff..."

"In Chinese checkers, you must position each piece carefully, setting them upright in the proper alignment so as not to cause them all to tip over, but...but golly, it's fun to watch them do that! You put them all in a line, and they start falling down, and--"

"Sir, armor is destroyed. We should seriously consider evacuating. And those were dominoes you were describing, not checkers.

"Dammit Kif, don't you pay attention? Our armor is down, this is no time to be discussing pizza!"

Kif groaned.

* * *

"I do not comprehend the need for this bizarre form of gambling. Are you sure this is a legal form of entertainment on Earth?" Sunburn asked as she pulled her clothes back on. 

A very content Creature Kid was too busy drooling over the several pictures he had taken. "What? Yeah, sure, put me down for six boxes."

And LO! A plothole opened and sucked the PTT into Central Park, where they witnessed the battle between the _Nimbus_ and the aliens.

Bluejay groaned. "Thith ith theriouthly mething with my coif. Blowbot, blow them!"

"It shall be done, homosexual poultry-impersonator." Blowbot raised his Blowcannon, and...

F-ZZZAAAPPP-A-DINGY-DOODLE-SNIPPER!

The aliens were blown, and the _Nimbus_ landed to greet their saviors. Out stepped Zap Brannigan, with Kif in tow.

"You have saved my life, and for that, I am grateful. Now, I shall bribe you to change the story to me saving your hides from terrible utter destruction. How much, fifty?"

"Seventy," countered Creature Kid.

"Sir," Kif said, catching Zap's attention. He whispered something in the bumbling captain's ear.

"Ahem, people, my oft-misguided first officer ('Mmmmfff...') has brought something to my attention. With the kind of power you showed in destroying the enemies I was fighting, you could very easily--" He suddenly caught sight of Sunburn.

"...Well, hello there. My fair lady, you have the look of a woman whose beauty can surely be traced back to the lines of the noblest of rulers. Allow me to introduce myself. I am--"

"Captain Zap Brannigan," she finished. "Twenty-five star general, conqueror of the pacifists of the Ghandi nebula and subjigator of the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living solar-system. I know of you."

"Why," Zap purred, "my reputation must preceed me."

"Actually, you invaded my homeworld seventeen times and slaughtered millions of my people because you thought we had stolen your lunchbox when you were nine."

"Well, I never did find that lunchbox," Zap shot back.

"Sir, your mother threw that lunchbox out after the back melted off in a fire."

"Don't you EVER speak that way about my mother--"

Suddenly, the plot advanced. The PTT were assembled in the _Nimbus' _dining room, watching a slideshow briefing.

"You see, the Democratic Order of Planets was recently invaded by an army of evil mutated-cereal men," Zap explained. "They had first originated when all breakfast cereals were banned from my homeworld of Earth--which is very much like your homeworld of H'trae, remarkably so, so similar that it's almost--but I digress."

"In the year 2990, an uprising began. Led by one Lucky Leprochan and funded by the hordes of money stashed away by the ruler of Transylvania, a 'Count Chocula,' the invaders succeeded in leaving much of my world in ruins. I, of course, was but a Private in the Space Marines when it began, but my mentor and father figure, Admiral Fried Finnigan, drove them offworld, slaughtering Leprochan's lieutenants, Captain Alfred Crunch and two-star general Crackle, in the process. We never did catch Snap and Pop though."

"Recently, though, a force of spacefaring creatures have begun to encroach on our borders. They call themselves, 'The Crispix."

The PTT shuddered.

"I led an army to their homeworld of Crispixia, where I used the same strategy I had used against the army of Killbots: I sent wave after wave of my own men in to be slaughtered, in order to get the Crispix to reach their preset kill limit and shut down. But they had no such kill limit. Personally, I place the blame on poor planning by my incompitent first mate, Kif."

"It was your idea, fatso," Kif muttered.

"But with your help, perhaps I can finally defeat the Crispix and rid the universe of their scourge." Loud whispering was heard on the soundtrack, like in those cartoons where there's a huge crowd and somebody drops a bombshell. But it's not a bombshell, it's a Big Damn bit of News. Dumbass. Go run laps!

"I must warn you: The journey will be long and ar-druid-us, and it is likely that most of you, if not all of you, will die horribly, and those that do survive will get little-to-no credit, which will all go to me, and should the operation go badly, blame will be placed on you...and Kif, of course. Do you accept this challenge?"

"Hellz yeah!" came the collective response.

"Excellent! We leave immedietly! Do you have anybody to watch the house while we're away?"

Bluejay considered this for a moment. "Hmmmm," considered he.

* * *

"Right, tho to go over the ruleth one latht time..." 

"No smoking in the lounge, nobody under 18 may be topless at any given time, and don't take candy from strangers," answered the Plot Convenient Knight. "I think I've got this down, homosexual digit."

"And if any homithidal roboth come by?"

"I will cower in the corner in the fetal position."

"Exthactly! And why ith that?"

"Because I'm a worthless sunuvabitch?"

"Good job! Help yourthelf to a glath of thex, there'th about half a bottle left in the 'fridge. Bye cutie!" And with that, the _Nimbus_ soared away.

The P-C-K shrugged, went to the fridge, and poured himself a tall glass of sex. He sipped it cautiously. "Not bad..."

* * *

Elseware...

* * *

"Frank, did you move the Aimlessly-Blinking Button machine into the back room like I asked?" 

"Yes I did, Dr. F."

"What about the Meaningless Spinning-Blade machine?"

"Oh, you wanted me to move that too?"

"Frank, pull it together! Everything has to be perfect for next chapter, or we'll miss out on our opportunity!"

HK-47, noticing the inherent chaos, piped up. "Query: What, exactly, is the grey-haired overweight meatbag doing Master?"

"We need to get our Delightfully Viciously Evil Plan up and running, but we're well behind schedual."

"Clay, what do you want me to do with the Soft Beeping-Noise machine?"

"Uh, just drop that off anywhere, we're gonna need that."

"Observation: Your lack of preparedness may contribute to your lacking of other workers. Perhaps you wish for me to locate another meatbag slave, who would labor at your disposal?"

"That's quite all right, Frank and I have been doing this for ages now."

"And you know what they say," a new voice piped in. "Out with the old, in with the new."

A fire-red elevator appeared out of nowhere, and out stepped a burnt-orange evil-looking robot.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want now?"

"I'm here to announce," the newcomer declared, "that you've officially been pulled from the project. The Council wants someone more...hands-on...to lead this."

"'Hands on?'" protested Dr. Clayton Forrester, mad-genius extraordinare. "You never do anything! You sit there in Robot Hell and wait for robots to fall in!"

"Be that as it may, the fact remains: You're gone. Pack your things, and leave."

"Clay?" asked Dr. Forrester's lab assistent, TV's Frank. "What's going on?"

"...Nothing. We have to go now, Frank. Pack a suitcase and let's leave."

Frank's eyes bubbled. "Will...will I still get to tend the rabbits Clay?"

"I don't know, Frank. I don't know anymore..."

With that, they were gone. HK-47 stood there looking bemused. "Suggestion: Perhaps I may be of some use to to you? As you can see, I am a marvel of technology, much like yourself, and have many unique talents, not the least of which is the ability to burn holes through meatbags from a long distance."

"Hmmm," considered he. "I suppose I could use a robot of your talents. What's your name?"

"Indignent answer: I am no robot, good sir. I am an HK-model assassin, the only one of my kind."

"Eh, same dif."

"Statement: You are not a particularly courteous master, Master. I believe I'll like working with you."

* * *

Elseware...

* * *

As HK-47 settled in with his new master, the Pre Teen Titans soared through space, aboard the _Nimbus_, listening to Zap Brannnigan recite tale after tale of heroic feats. 

"So there I was. I and my crew were hovering, miles above the surface of planet Eden-Seven. The fools down there, eating their apples and walking in the nude like the sinister beasts they were, had no clue what was about to happen."

"So what did happen, 'Cosmic Crusader'?" Sunburn asked, drenching the title in as much sarcasn as she could muster.

"Well, my luscious, bright red beauty, we soared down, and dropped our entire payload on the surface. Every man down there was a blackened mess, now stuck to the ground like a...a...hmmm...Kif! Thesaurus!"

With a groan, Kif handed Zap the thesaurus, and went back to preparing the captain's coffee.

"...Aha! They stuck to the ground like something black and sticky!" Zap beamed with pride. "Now, let me tell you about my conquest of the Assisted-Living solar system..."

Suddenly, a blast rocked the ship. "Kif! We're under attack! Shoot them and make them go away!"

"It's not that simple, sir," Kif replied, looking into a monitor. "We've reached Crispixia."

"Hmm, Crispixia...that name sounds enticingly familiar..."

"Captain Brannigan," said Blowbot, "I believe the normal strategy at this point would be to disarm their outer defenses, and land a strike force on the surface with the intention of blowing all opposition."

Zap laughed. "My young friend, that's not at all what we must do! No, I have faced this same situation a hundred-hundred times...what you must do is stare death in the eye, and get inside the head of your enemy. You must understand the enemy, BE the enemy, make love to the enemy as you would make love to a woman: hard, fast, with brief periods of uncontrollable sobbing...then back to hard and fast, and finally--"

"Sir, we landed ten minutes ago, and the prepubescent warriors have already advanced to the gates of their palace."

"I see...well, is my coffee ready?"

"Yes sir," Kif said submissively, and handed Zap his coffee.

Zap took one sip, then spat it out in disgust. "This has Coffee Creamer in it! Go back and fill it with urine like I asked!" He tossed the cup at Kif with disdain.

* * *

Kif groaned.

* * *

Minutes later, Zap Brannigan had joined the Pre-Teen Titans at the gates of the Crispixian Royal Palace. "Shall we press onward?" he said in an odd tone, and entered the palce. 

Inside stood a leprochaun. He wore an all-green suit and a worn green top hat. He had a thick red beard, red hair, and one of his eyes was missing. In either hand he held an M-16. "Begorrah!" he shouted. "Zap Brannigan be after me lucky charms!"

"Lucky Leprochaun," Zap said. "When last we met, you had a beer gut, no pants, a sexuality that was in question, seventeen different sexually transmitted diseases, and was clean-shaven. Now, it seems fate has been reversed for us."

"Ye nary can win, Brannigan!" Lucky cackled. "Me Crispix armies be conquerin' your little dOOp, and thar be nothin' ye can do to stop us!" With an insane laugh, he lowered the cages holding his Crispix warriors, and they charged.

"Pre-Teen Titans, attack!" cried Bluejay. Producing a Jayarang, he slashed outward at one of the Crispix. The metal blade snapped upon contact with the cereal piece's hard exterior.

"No, you fools!" cried Zap. "Their wheat sides are too hard and crunchy! You must hit them on their softer, less crunchy corn-sided underbellies!"

The PTT did as he suggested, and soon gained the upper hand. Zap, however, sensed defeat.

"Kif, my friend, the author has decreed that I sense defeat right about now, and it is so. We must withdraw!"

"But sir, they outnumber the Crispix 2-1."

"Yes, Kif, but in battle, one who is on top may very easily be subverted. He may suddenly find himself on the bottom, submissively recieving several blows...much like making love to a woman."

"Ugh..."

"To the _Nimbus,_ my old friend! We can still excape!"

"What about the children, sir?" asked Kif with uncertainty.

"My prayers are with them. Now hurry!"

Kif and Zap bolted for their ship. Meanwhile, the PTT had overcome the Crispix, and slowly advanced on Lucky.

"This nay be over, lads and lasses!" he crowed. "I be comin' back, and next time, none o'ye be survivin'!" Laughing maniacally, he turned on his Plot-Convenient Jetpack and soared upward...until he hit the roof, splattered his head open, and died a Horrible Horrible Death (tm).

The PTT shrugged.

* * *

Hours later, they stumbled into the P-Tower, and collapsed on the couch. 

"Well, that was all well and good," groaned Creature Kid, "except for the part where Zap Brannigan abandoned us."

"I never got to say goodbye..." sighed Crow.

"I never got to lick hith mighty genitalth..." sighed Bluejay.

"When next we meet Zap Brannigan, I assume we shall be blowing him?" inquired Blowbot.

"Yes, Blowbot..." said Sunburn. "Blow him we shall."

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

"Ah, Kif...it is good that we escaped with our lives. By the way, did you catch the number of that Sunburn chick?" 

"Sir, she's twelve years old."

"I-she--what! But she looked so...mature!"

"I know. Shocking."

"Damn it all! I had it all planned out too! I was going to seduce her, and we would start making love...and making love is a complicated thing. There are techniques, and intricacies... much like making love to a woman..."

Kif groaned.

* * *

I promise, I WILL get Ascension up before too long. I swear it. 

In the meantime, I do hope this tides you over.

-RR76


	16. The Forseeable Future

**RR76: **Ahoy-hoy.

As per tradition, I must update Pre Teen Titans, GO! before Ascension. For those who are interested, the 15th chapter is in the works, and is 2/3ds of the way done.

Today's cast:

"The Usual Gang of Idiots--PTT."

"Guest starring: HK-47."

"Featuring special appearences by: Terrance and Phillip, Joel Robinson, and the Robot Devil."

**As usual, I own Blowbot, Creature Kid, and Sunburn, plus the Plot-Convenient Knight. All others are stolen from other, more hilarious, sources.**

**Part One:**  
**Ohhhh, snap!**

Dateline, Leap City. Location, Pre Teen Titans Tower. As the residents of this large, P-shaped structure began to get all be-dozular, a bright red alarm akin to nails scratching on the chalkboard in Hell sounded. This, of course, was the Alarm of Impending Battle, otherwise known as the "Oh Shit," alarm.

Bluejay, clad in the blue feetie pajamas that he wears as a costume, rushed into the living room, followed by the rest of the team, followed by the Plot-Convenient Knight.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing here?" Creature Kid demanded.

The PCK munched on a carrot. "Hmm? Oh. I'm trying this new thing: Shameless self-promomotion for the fourth installment in the Carson series."

"Fuck that," spat Bluejay. "The damn author hathn't even finished the 15th chapter of his THIRD installment!"

"Yeah!" Crow chimed in. "Why doesn't he finish up Ascension before he starts thinking ahead to the other parts? Get the hell out of our home and don't come back until you've made an impact on the plot of the Carson series!"

As the Plot-Convenient Knight sobbed and ran away, heart filled with emossity, Bluejay turned to his teammates. "Well gang, it theemth we have a crime on our handth. Tho, let'th turn now to...the Great Big Book of Everything!"

Out of nowhere, a lesbian cat and a dog with Downs' Syndrome appeared. They began to sing. "It's...the...Great Big Book of Everything, with everything inside! Who knows what suprises, your wonderballz can hide?"

The PTT stared blankly. "Verily, feline," Sunburn interjected, "but are you naught in some way based on the alternative-lifestyle embracing female actor Ellen Degeneres?"

Suddenly, a horde of rabid Koreans appeared and ate Lesbian Cat and Challenged Dog. Bluejay flipped through the Great Big Book of Everything, and finally gasped. "Gasp!" he gasped gaspularly.

"Crap, he gasped," sighed Crow. "This is never a good sign."

"By the testicles of Robert Downy Jr!" Bluejay said, dropping the Great Big Book of Everything. "HK-47 is blowing up abandoned shit downtown! There is nobody and nothing in any sort of danger! It is very clearly a flimsy plot thread designed to get us into danger to further advance the plot!"

"Is that all?" Creature Kid groaned. "You woke us up for that?"

"Bluejay, if my power cells were not operating at below 50 percent, I would blow you," Blowbot droned. "For now, I shalt retire to my roomchamber."

"Wait!" Bluejay cried. He flipped a few more pages forward in the Great Big Book of Everything and gasped once more. "He'th got Terranth and Phillip held hothtage!"

The PTT gasped.

"Terrance and Phillip? No! He can't--that monster!" they all shouted in unison.

"Flatulent comedians are in danger of insemination!" Sunburn gasped. "We must slink into verb!"

Creature Kid leaned over to Crow. "Sometimes I wonder if she gets her dialogue from Mad Libs," he whispered.

**Placeholder: The Fabtabulous Tale of the Mary-Sue Triumverate  
**

Fools' Gold was breathing deeply. "Aaaah, it's a beautiful day here in High Drool, isn't it Lohan?"

Lohan grinned. "I like pie!" she said.

Fools' Gold's hair hung over his face, framing it in a very Mary-Sue like fashion. "And what about you, Irritable Bowel Syndrome?"

Irritable Bowel Syndrome started barking. "FICKING DUMASS IM BETTER THAN YOO BASTAD."

With a roll of the eyes and a sigh, Carson Elam drew his weapon.

SCHWI!

Thud.

Thud.

"FICKIN!"

Thud.

"Still way cooler than you."

**Part Two:  
What Brian Boitano Would Do  
**

"Say Terrance," Phillip, the blue-shirted Canadian comedian said, turning to his friend and partner.

"Yes Phillip?" replied Terrance, his upper head bouncing comically off of his jaw.

"I really have to fart. Do you think that I can get that HK-47 to use his flamethrower to light it on fire?" Phillip asked hopefully.

"I don't know Phillip. If I had a match, I'd light it for you."

"And if we weren't being threatened with a laser rifle, I'd thank you," Phillip said, nervously eyeing the barrel of the rifle. "Don't you ever get bored, you shit-faced cockmaster?"

"Disgruntled reply: Of course I do, meatbag. I would much rather have blown your head to small bone fragments by now. But you are the bait, and even bait has it's purpose."

"Well, then could you at least light my fart on fire? It might make you feel better."

Suddenly, with a SZCHWIITZLE and a KWA-PANGO, the Pre Teen Titans were on the scene! "Releath the Canadianth thith inthant, or I'll do to you what Bill Callahan did to Rich Gannon!"

"Query: And what would that be, homosexual appendage?"

"I'll thee to it that you injure your thoulder and thit out the retht of the regular theathon!" He brought out a statue of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Derrick Brooks. "Don't make me do it..."

After a moment of awkward gawking, HK-57 raised his weapon to Bluejay and opened fire. The PTT scattered, and Bluejay hurled the Derrick Brooks statue at HK-47.

"Exclamation: Ow."

"Take that!"

As they did battle, Crow snuck up behind Terrance and Phillip. "Look Terrance, it's that robot from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show!"

"Oh yes, hello there Crow! Do you know what this kidnapping is aboot?" asked Terrance as Crow undid his restraints.

"Well, it's this whole plot-arc involving me," explained Crow, "but I don't think even the Almighty Author knows what the fuck is going on."

"Wow, I hate when that happens, don't you Phillip?"

"I sure do, Terrance!" Fart. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You farted, Phillip!"

"Shut up, you pig-fucker!"

"Phillip! Why would you call me a pig fucker?"

"Hmm. Well, let's see: You fuck pigs!"

"Oh right, of course!"

The two laughed merrily, but then were forced to run as HK-47 continued to fire on them mercilessly. "Quick!" called Creature Kid. "Into this abandoned porno theater!"

The seven of them ran into the theater and barricaded the door. Unfortunately, they forgot Crow. So Crow stood outside in front of the door as HK-47 advanced on him.

"Statement: Celluloid-lampooning unit Crow T. Robot, you have given me quite a bit of problems lately. But I assure you, they will be rectified soon enough, hopefully within the next few chapters."

"What do you want with me?" demanded Crow. "What do I have that you want?"

"Vague answer: Robot, it is not my place to tell you what it is that you are to do, merely to insure that it is done. For this purpose, I will blast you and leave you unconcious, as I enter this abandoned center of sexual promiscuity, and hunt down your meatbag companions."

"Wha--" BLANG. Crow fell unconcious. HK-47 strode to the door.

**"Veeeeeeeeeeeeeenuuuuuuuus...oh Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenuuuuuuuuuuuuuus..."**

"If that HK droid gets in here," panted Creature Kid, "we're...done for..."

Terrance and Phillip exchanged a look with their beady Canadian eyes. "You guys run," Terrance said, his wobbly Canadian head bouncing off of his jaw as he spoke. "If that donkey-raping shit eater comes in, we'll distract him long enough for you to get through."

Red light shone through the cracks of the door. Suddenly, orange flames sprung up behind them. "Go!" yelled Phillip, turning to the door. "We'll hold him off! You go into that conveniently placed staircase!"

As the Pre Teen Titans rushed down the staircase, the door fell to the ground in flames, and HK-47 walked into the room.

"Ready Terrance?"

"Ready, Phillip. It's been an honor farting alongside you."

"Same here, Terrance. Same here."

And with that, they turned to each other and broke into song.

**"Terrance: Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka!  
You're a cock sucking, ass-licking uncle fucka!  
You're an uncle fucka, yes it's true,  
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!"  
**

**Phillip: Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka!  
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka!  
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn,  
You just fuck your uncle all day long!**

The two broke into rhythmic farting, jumping around HK-47. "Query: What is going on here?"

The two Canadians began to fart at each other, and at HK-47. Blinded by their flatulence, HK raised his arm and fired off his flamethrower into the air. The farts caught fire and he was engulfed in flames.

"Agonized exclaimation: My photoreceptors! My photoreceptors!" Covered in flames, HK-47 retreaded, running as fast as he could from the porno theater.

Unfortunately, Terrance and Phillip were caught in the flames. Scorched and dying, the two of them still struggled out the last few bars of the song.

**  
Both: Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka!  
You're a boner biting bastard, uncle fucka!**

**Terrance: You're an...uncle...fucka, I must say!**

**Phillip: You fucked...your uncle yesterday!  
**

**Both: Uncle fucka...That's U...N...C...L...E...  
Fuck you! Uncle fucka! Tonight!**

With that, Terrance succumbed to his wounds and collapsed on the ground. As the world faded from around him, Phillip's Canadian head began to flap one last time. "Suck...my...balls..."

**Part Three:  
Crow Grows a Pair**

Crow sat at the bar in a small restoraunt in Minnesota, sipping some manner of alchoholic beverage. Next to him sat a man in his early 40s, wearing a red jumpsuit with the name "JOEL," etched on it.

"What's wrong Crow?" he asked. "You look about as sad as a robot who was trapped up in outer-space for a decade could be."

"Oh, it's nothing Joel...just..." he sighed. "This droid, HK-47, he's trying to use me for some dark purpose, or some crap like that...and it's really gettin' me down."

"Well, if I were you Crow, I'd probably just try to relax. Good things come to those who wait, you know, and it certainly came to me after five years in the Satellite of Love."

"You really think so Joel?" Crow asked, looking up at his father.

Joel smiled and nodded warmly. "I know so. Of course, that's the kind of thinking that landed me up in space in the first place. So I'd just go out there and kick his bitch-ass."

"That's a great idea Joel, except that this HK-47 is scary and red and filled with all kinds of scary red hidden weapons. How do you fight that?"

Joel stared at him solomnly. "Come with me, Crow. There's something I need to show you."

Somehow, HK-47 had cornered the Pre Teen Titans beneath the porno theater, beneath a giant statue of John Elway. "Smug statement: Fear not, for your agony shall be brief. That is, if you are a droid. For meatbags, I doubt that 8.62 hours could be considered 'brief.'"

Suddenly, Crow appeared and kicked HK-47's ass in a manner that I'm too lazy to describe.

HK-47 stared in awe at Crow T. Robot, shocked at his newfound testicular fortitude. "Statement: You are a very brutal target, Mr. Robot. I like you. Unfortunate, it is, that I still have to have you terminated." And with that, he steped into a plothole and disappeared.

Back at Pre Teen Titans Tower, the other PTT had gathered outside, where a single stone plaque lay.

It read:

_Terrance Henry Stoot_

_Phillip Niles Argyle_

_They died so that we may live.  
Damn, that was stupid of them.  
_

_"Uncle fucker! That's U!N!C!L!E! Uncle fucker!"_

"Rest in peace, friends," Crow said softly. "You've earned it.

**Epilogue:  
Prelude to Another Chapter  
**

"You've done me proud, HK-47. I really must got to say, you're one of the best servants a robot devil could ask for."

"Modest reply: In fairness, these are not the most exceptional targets to be hunting. I'd much rather be facing the real Teen Titans."

"Patience, my friend. Their time will come sometime after this plot arc is over. For now, let's get to sleep. All this evil-ing is making me tired."

"As you desire, Master. Signing off."


End file.
